Living Ethically Within a Diverse Society

The reflection upon one's own life can be painful as well as enriching when dealing with issues surrounding white privilege and oppression of other people. The path of greater resistance is not an easily found or traveled road when the subject matter is difficult to cope with. The focus of my essay is to examine how I will be able to travel on the road of greater resistance while remaining aware of my personal privilege over members of the non-dominant group.

The areas which I will discuss in my essay are the three Spheres of Influence, my self, my family and community. I will also use my personal experiences to delineate specific steps for stepping on the path of "greater resistance".
How I will impact three of the spheres of influences:

1. Self

Pertaining to my self, I believe that it will be a life-long process of changes. There is no easy way to do this. I must be aware of what I am doing; in my actions and the tone of my language and attitude towards others. I will continue to work on speaking out when I see that I am receiving special privileges due to my color, class or any other reason which either indirectly or directly impacts others. However, taking the first step in acknowledging that I have white privilege which does allow me special privileges is a tremendous step in my opinion. According to Johnson, the first step is to acknowledge that privilege and oppression exist (Johnson, Chapter 9, 2006). Peggy McIntosh says that it is her belief that "I think whites are carefully taught to not recognize white privilege, as males are not taught to recognize male privilege." (McIntosh, P. 1990). I strongly agree with this statement, because in my experience I have never been told or shown how to look for these invisible privileges. In all honesty, before taking this class I never would have believed, or would have thought that I had special privileges. It just wasn't something that ever occurred to me. After all, why would I change a pattern or system that was in my benefit? I can reflect upon it now, and understand that I have and still do carry specific attitudes which enable the systems of "isms" and oppression against others. I tend to carry unconscious or forgetful attitudes which reflect my prejudices against others. I know this because as of lately, I am trying to become more aware. The problem is that I still find that I assume most people are like me, with their lifestyles, beliefs and even race. A few examples of this can include, but are not limited to being married, heterosexual, and if they are considered white that they may even have the same interests as me.

The reason until recently that I have not chosen to acknowledge these attitudes was simply for the factor of convenience. I have realized that by behaving in this manner, and the nonchalant method in which I think, my deliberate way of living, I enable the continuation the perpetuation of systems. The way that I have chosen to continue the perpetuation is by surrounding my self with people who look like me, act like me, and overall are like me. I haven't taken the time to "acknowledge that privilege and oppression exists.", or "pay attention", "learn to listen" and "take little risks." (Johnson, 2006). I am willingly perpetuating white privilege and oppression of others by living in a predominately white area, shopping at more expensive malls (which cater to predominately white customers) and socializing with predominately white people. By continuing to look through one lens, it is clear that I have only been seeing one side of the scenario.
When I look through one lens, I see the world as I enjoy it, carefree and less complex than if I were to look through both lenses. When I am brave enough to endure the view through both lenses, I see things that I do not particularly like. I see that I am a racist, a sexist, and a heterosexist. When we did the exercise for this in class, I was unable to acknowledge that I belonged to any of these categories. It is nearly impossible to admit something that you do not believe to be true. These are just a few of the things I can see when I have both lenses on. I was impressed when we learned about this exercise through class; as it has truly helped me to look through both lenses even when I know deep down that I will not like the truth I may see.

I can easily try to justify these factors, and tell my self that I am not wrong for living as I do. I could easily say that it's not my fault that the demographics where I live, shop and work are what they are. I also could easily say that I just enjoy shopping where I do, and that I have been unable to make other friends who are members of the non-dominant group. I do not believe that there is an easy answer. If I force myself to do things that I am not comfortable with, and they have dire consequences how can I justify that? An example of this would be If my husband and I were to sell our house in the suburbs and move into the ghetto for instance, and place our son into an inner city school, I cannot understand how that would make us better people. I do not honestly believe that it would. I feel that this is an extreme example and wouldn't really benefit anyone in the way intended.

In McIntosh's essay, White Privilege: Unpacking The Invisible Knapsack she has a great list which are things that I have taken for granted because I am considered white. I think that one of the most prolific examples from the list would be that I can be in the company of people like me or white people most of the time. It's not a difficult feat for me; I work with a population of predominately white people. I also live around predominately white people. All of these things in which I believe are just part of my everyday life, are in fact because I unwillingly have white privilege over other people. There are of course numerous aspects to the list, and I feel some shame knowing that I can say I fit into many of these categories, or at one point in time I have. Another one of the examples on the list which I fit into were the ability to shop without someone following me, to pay by credit and not be asked for my identification. It seems that with all of the categories I fit into because of my privilege that I might believe these are positive attributes in my life, yet I do not feel that way.

Yet, I know that there are things that I can do. I can take the first and most difficult step to acknowledge that I do not always treat members of the non-dominant group fairly. (Johnson, 2006). It is difficult for me to openly admit that I have a problem with illegal immigrants. I tend to lump them all into one category. My opinion of illegal immigrants from Mexico is something that I don't know if I can or will change. Unfortunately, I have come to associate them with bad stigmas as murder, overcrowding of cities, schools and neighborhoods, taking jobs from other people and living off of the government welfare system. I also have a serious problem that they do not speak English. My feelings in relation to this make me a hypocrite. I know it makes me a hypocrite because I too have felt the scourge of being discriminated against as a woman, yet I project my own feelings of inequality and fear upon this group of people. Another reason I am a hypocrite is because I consider the fact that my family immigrated from Sicily and Italy. One would think that this very reason would in fact make more compassionate to the immigration cause, but in fact it does not.

I can also attempt to pay attention to what is really happening, and become involved in community groups such as churches or local organizations to learn more about the situation at the root of the problem. This means doing more than complaining that this group pisses me off, but instead taking a stand on one side of the issue after viewing the problem through both lenses. An effective way to do this may be to use the methodology found in the Baird text. In chapter four of Baird, "foundations for Decision-Making" there are steps which may be able to help me find the path of greater resistance. The first step is to "Be Attentive: Consider What Works- or doesn't". At this point I could make a list sometimes known as a "Ben Franklin Analysis". (Write before you Act, 2007) This is helpful for making decisions over a period of time as opposed to making spontaneous decisions. I could utilize the Ben Franklin Analysis in conjunction with Baird's methodology. I can break the list down several ways depending on what suits my needs. For example, I could break the list down by pros, and cons, advantages, disadvantages and strengths and weaknesses. Or I can use all of the categories if I want. I would start by the Pros and Cons of Illegal immigration. I would look at both aspects of the issue, not just one side because that goes back to only seeing out one of the lenses. The next step Baird discusses is to "Be Intelligent: Sort through the data. This would involve "pinpointing the ethical issue." (Baird, 2005). From the list and my analysis I would be able to determine the actual ethical issue and not just a sugar coated or anger driven answer. The point of using this method would be to utilize more than just the home lens in which I am comfortable with. My lens is the relationship lens which can cloud my decision making at times.

To have a better understanding of the illegal immigration situation for instance, I have been working on the Ben Franklin analysis list to determine where I stand. I am also trying to identify where I am making mistakes in understanding this group of people. I have just begun the list, but I feel that instead of just talking about it, I needed to actually jump right in and analyze where I am coming from, and what I can learn from in order to become aware of the ways I enable the ism of racism.

In summation, in order to understand a problem in which the answer eludes me, I must use patience and careful analysis of a situation to determine what that best course of action is. In this instance, I feel that I have discovered that the best way for me personally to find and travel the road of greater resistance. In hindsight, I now know that this would mean I need to take the time to learn what is really happening behind the scenes. I need to learn that my white privilege among other privileges tend to cloud my sight when dealing with situations which make me uncomfortable and how to eliminate my toxic isms from being projected onto others. I know that white privilege is a real problem. It is one that I must learn to overcome each day by the continuation of learning, and self- development by accepting tolerance and diversity into my life.

2. Family:

Recently my husband, step-son and I were out dining at an Italian restaurant. The hostess cheerfully greeted us, and proceeded to seat a Latino Man and a youth I assumed to be his son. She of course returned to us and showed us to our table. However, after we had been seated a waitress came out, and tried to take our order before the Latino family even though we had arrived, and had been seated after they did. Instead of sitting there and condoning the mistake, I spoke up and said, excuse me, but they were here before we were. The waitress looked shocked as did the Latino man. She went and took his order and then came back to us. To her it may have meant nothing, but I actually felt better that I spoke up. It was a nerve racking feeling to have actually said something! I was truly able to understand what Alan Johnson meant by saying that "if you were going against the path of least resistance that you would know it." (Johnson, 2006). I know that I could have just as easily said absolutely nothing, and indulged in the privilege of receiving service before another person. In fact, I have done that very thing before. Yet in the times I had said nothing, I had a sense of guilt and even shame. I know that this is a considerably small step, but I do believe that I am heading in the right direction.

One of the ways I can influence the sphere of my family to teach them what I know. I can only try to teach the members of my family who are open minded to hearing what I have to say. I can influence my step son by teaching him about the value of diversity, and how we can be attentive to others without being offensive or even blaming. When I showed him the example of my recent behavior at the restaurant, I feel that I served as 'the threat of a good example" (Wise, T. 1999). In some small way I was living for my principles, even if for a short period of time. Tim Wise discusses how there is 'no higher calling than to be prepared to die for your principles if need be, but even more, to be unafraid to live for them." While it is clear that I am not a missionary, or freedom fighter, I can stand up for what is right even if that means speaking out against injustices such as white privilege. I never would have imagined that speaking out against a privilege that suits my personal needs, would feel so rewarding and even gratifying.

Another way I can teach my family about traveling on the road of greater resistance is to continually point out opportunities in which better decisions, or choices can be made. This also applies for my attitudes about others, by serving as a good example and teaching them that while it is not an easy road to travel, it can be done. I can also continually instill ethics and morals in my step-son that will give him a better chance of being able to understand how his white, male privilege will impact him as an adult, while continually oppressing others. It is honestly unbelievable how often I now see examples of oppression and white privilege. I find myself saying to my husband, "hey that's an example of oppression or white privilege." I feel that I have tried my best to explain what these mean and I believe that over time, he will begin to have a better idea as I clarify and serve as a positive role model in this manner for him, and those around me.
Richard Rodriguez, author of "Blaxicans and other reinvented Americans" discusses how the members of the dominant group are essentially afraid of a person of the non-dominant group marrying into the dominant group. I his example he gave a breakdown as follows: the non- dominant member and the dominant member get married which creates "we" and then by marrying the two families it becomes "us".

I can relate to this statement. All of my life while I was growing up, I was told that I was not allowed to marry anyone who was not white. It was actually preferred that I married those who were like us, Italian. My grandmother had a saying, "you don't date what you won't marry, and vice versa." Interracial relationships were and still are looked down upon in my family. It was quite an ordeal when my sister had a child with a man who is part Jewish. Even though he is white in skin color, he is considered to be different than us, by the older generation of our family, because we are all Roman Catholic. Unfortunately, he is not well liked, he is merely tolerated. I must admit that it really did set off bells for me, because we have never had this incident occur before in our family. The fact that I had been raised Roman Catholic made me feel like a racist in the regard that I also considered my sister's spouse an outsider. My sister and her spouse have been together several years now, and I have come to terms that he is a person, with a diverse background and should not be judged for his religious preferences, as he has never pushed his preferences upon me or my family.

This is an example in which I strive to teach my step-son to have tolerance and understanding about this situation. In my home we do not enforce religion and therefore things are far less complicated. It could easily become quite complicated because my husband is a Lutheran, and I am a Roman Catholic. By choosing not to enforce our religions, we are making the effort not perpetuate hatred of those who are not like us. To clarify, we do not want to willingly discriminate in the name of religion; meanwhile we do not force our child to feel that he must qualify to be part of any particular religion. It seems that too often with the ism of religion there is discrimination of some sort. I feel that this system is a tangled mess and I am actually unsure how to "name" the problem. (Johnson, 2006) I personally do not feel that by condoning one religion over another is right. Instead, I want to leave the opportunity to make choices which do not exclude others based upon their religious choices, or backgrounds.

In conclusion, I feel that the best way to impact my family in the sphere of influence, I must continually lead by example. This is not nearly as easy as it sounds. I will combine some of the techniques I discussed from the self category to teach my family. I believe that leading by example is the best way I can encourage my family to become aware of our "white privilege". I do not want to make empty promises that I cannot keep. Instead I am going to start with a small step, to acknowledge that we are privileged and find ways to avoid receiving special treatment over those who face oppression. Everyday is an opportunity for a learning experience, especially with my step-son. He looks up to me and I look forward to teaching him about how his privilege means someone else's oppression.

3. Community

In Robert Rodriguez's article "Blaxicans" and Other Reinvented Americans.". There are several points which we should all take a closer look at. "Race Mixture has not been a point of pride in America". Mr. Rodriguez in fact insinuates that we are all ignoring the problem and hoping that it will go away. He also mentions that those who are not similar to the dominant group will in fact learn to assimilate to the dominant group. Mr. Rodriguez states his opinion that instead of calling it what it really is, we refer to the issue of race mixture as diversity. The term diversity sounds as if it is accepting when used in this context, its more condescending and even patronizing. This article made me re-evaluate the way in which I use the term diversity.

As a matter of fact I found it quite amusing in the article Mr. Rodriguez states that if he were to create the essence of this situation we refer to as diversity in a bumper sticker, it would say "Assimilation Happens."(Rodriguez, 2003). It seems that he feels members of the dominant group may want to believe that they are accepting of the non- dominant group members, that we are not dealing with a problem the problem is continually ignored. All of us involved in the dominant group are guilty of assuming that assimilation is the natural reaction to our behaviors. While he doesn't mention systems directly, he insinuates that we continue to allow them to perpetuate by doing nothing, or masking the problem with a word such as diversity. Throughout the essay Mr. Rodriguez states that "America is no longer a black and white nation." which is true, and because of this reality must change the way, in which we think, act and of course treat other people.

The way in which I perceive those who are not members of the same dominant groups as myself, is definitely hypocritical. I tend to enjoy looking through my lens as opposed to my lenses. Through my lens I visualize my community, a quiet neighborhood with primarily white people and low crime rates. When I wear both lenses, I see unsavory attributes such as people who are not like me, who don't speak English and of course high crime rates. I essentially see my community different than it is; I actually see it as I want it to be, like me.

The way in which I will enrich my life, those lives in my community is to become a part of my community. It means that I need to meet my neighbors, even those who are different than me. There are a few neighbors on my block who are not white. I have never even spoken to them. Not because I am a rude person, but because I tend to run on the same hamster wheel day after day. I see and do the same things each day. I willingly stay on my wheel to avoid things which are different than what I am used to seeing or doing. If I step off of the wheel, I am exposing my weakness and vulnerability, which scares me. While it would be simple to say that I can just introduce myself to the neighbors and become a committed volunteer and move on with my life, I cannot say that. It will take more than a few introductions and empty promises. It will take the willingness to learn about other people who I would normally ignore. I need to set a realistic goal for my community and stick with it.

While trying to come up with a realistic goal I brainstormed with my husband. We came up with a few realistic ways in which we could both create a path to the road of greater resistance. The ideas we came up with were as follows:

1. Introduce ourselves to all of the neighbors that we do not yet know on our block.
2. Plan a community barbeque and invite the neighbors on our block to come.
3. Treat everyone with equality, not based on anything other than the person that they are, not on the basis of color, race religion or sex.
4. Be consciously aware of our behaviors and attitudes towards others.

While these may not be tremendous steps, I wanted to do something that was realistic. I wanted to set goals which were obtainable. I wanted help from my husband so that we could both participate and enrich our own lives throughout the experience of getting to know our neighbors. In summary, the way in which I will work towards influencing my community will take hard work, and the willingness to place myself in a vulnerable position in front of people I do not know. However, I am willing to commit to these ideas in order to travel down the road of greater resistance. Once I am able to accomplish these goals, I will set new and bigger goals to reach.

Within my essay I discussed the three Spheres of Influence, my self, my family and community. I also examined my personal experiences to delineate specific steps for stepping on the path of "greater resistance". The focus of my essay was to examine how I will be able to travel on the road of greater resistance while remaining aware of my personal privilege over members of the non-dominant group.

References

Baird, C.A. (2005). Everyday Ethics: Making Hard Choices in a Complex World (1^st ed.). Centennial: Resources, LLC.

Johnson, A. (2006). Privilege, Power and Difference (2^nd ed.) New York: McGraw Hill.

Kelly, J. C. PhD. Write before You Act: Benjamin Franklin Analysis Retrieved on May 16, 2007 from: http://www.score390.org/articles/Write_It_Down.doc

McIntosh, P. (1990). White Privilege: Unpacking the invisible knapsack. Independent School, 49(2), 31. Retrieved Monday, April 16, 2007 from the Academic Search Premier database.

Rodriguez, R. (2003). 'Blaxicans' and Other Reinvented Americans. Chronicle of Higher Education, 50 (3), B10. Retrieved Thursday, May 10, 2007 from the Academic Search Premier database.

Wise, Tim. The threat of a good example. Social Justice, Summer 99, Vol. 26 Issue 2, p182, 3p. (AN 2514326).