Living with a Loved One Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder

When you are living with, in a relationship with, or are closely related to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) you have several stages you generally have to go through. The first of course, is the rollercoaster ride that you will be taking with them and their personality disorder. You must learn how to cope, keep hope, not enable, not disable, and learn when there is a time to stay and when there is a time to leave.

Brace Yourself-This is Going to Be a Bumpy Ride

Whether you chose to be in this relationship with some with borderline personality disorder or not (a family member has it) you have to understand that the mental illness does not make the person; although, given the symptoms of BPD, you may begin to feel like borderline personality disorder IS that person-but, it isn't or it doesn't have to be.

Some people in intimate relationships, familial relationships, or friends of someone with BPD have often referred to the experience as being on a rollercoaster ride. The ups and downs and lulls in between; never knowing what is going to happen next-will this me a smooth turn around the corner, will it be a gut-wrenching face first fall, or a slow and impending doom type of lurch to the peak? The more you or they know about the illness the better it is to cope with it.

Learning How to Live with Someone who has BPD

It is possible to live and love someone with borderline personality disorder if you learn about the disorder, learn that it isn't necessarily their fault that they have it and nor is it YOUR fault that they have it. Many studies have shown that with the right types of therapies that many relationships and families can live harmoniously although one or sometimes more in the home have this disorder. Knowledge truly is power because understanding the mental disorder will help the partner or the child understand more about what is really going on as it will also give you the know-how to treat the disorder and the information necessary to take the first step in getting your loved one the help that they need as well as the help that you need.

Support Groups for Patients of BPD and Their Family Members

Support groups are great for all involved; you may be fortunate to have a support group for borderline personality disorder patients, BPD support groups for the family, and so on. Take advantage of these resources. Borderline personality disorder support groups for the patient and the family ARE on line and something you should seek out if you don't have one in your community or as an addition to the support group you choose to attend. It is important for each person involved to find ways to cope, to learn, and to forgive.

Learning how to Stop Enabling Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Whether you are the parent, the spouse, etc. of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, you are doing yourself as well as the person with BPD a great disservice and not moving forward if you go behind them and clean up their messes. The best and most appropriate thing you can do for the border line personality patient/loved one in your life is to encourage them to get help from mental health professionals.

If left untreated, BPD can take a major nose dive and can take the person with BPD and those around them down with it. If they choose not to seek out help and you notice the severity of the disorder worsening, affecting your own mentality, or affecting your children, you may have to make the difficult decisions of getting them help. Many counties can order a mentally ill person to get treatment. This is done by going to your local court house or Dept. of Health and Human Services and requesting a mental hygiene test be performed on your borderline personality loved one.

Knowing When to Stay and When to Leave a Home of a BPD Person

If left untreated, as mentioned earlier, BPD can spiral out of control and with the disorder this can affect the entire household. If the symptoms of BPD are greatly impacting your own sanity or affecting the children adversely (if you have children) you must become protected.

Sometimes it takes you or the children, or both to leave a person with borderline personality disorder in order for them to accept that they have an issue they need professional help for. You must understand that it is extremely hard for someone with BPD to even realize they have a problem that needs to be fixed. The make-up of the illness is one of the main reasons why they are shielded from seeing the damages caused.

If you truly love this person, you will want them to get help...but, if you have exhausted your mental and financial resources in order to obtain them the help they need but yet they refuse it, one of your options is to leave. This does not mean to say that you or the children cannot come back to the loved one.

Knowing that a Treated Borderline Personality Disorder Person is Not the Same as an Untreated One

Once a person with BPD is being treated properly and the home is safe again, it is encouraged to come back and try to start over. People with untreated borderline personality disorder, by studies alone, have shown that they are not aware of what they are doing or what they are causing. So, once treatment and healing have begun and changes and improvements being made, then you and the children can most likely re-enter their lives and carry on from there.Through support groups for you, the family, and the one with BPD you all can learn to forgive. Forgiveness and forget are two of the hardest things we all must go through in our lives; regardless of the reason for the need for it.

The more you, as a loved one, understand about borderline personality disorder, the more positive impact you can make on their life, your life, and the rest of your family's life. Educate yourself. Take precautionary measures, even if they seem extreme if those measures are necessary for the physical and mental wellbeing of yourself and the children.

Walking away does not mean you are walking away from the borderline personality disorder lovedone forever-sadly though; sometimes it is if the BPD person still continues to refuse treatment. You have to understand and help the children understand that this disorder is not your fault. The person with Borderline Personality Disorder will be taught in treatment that having the disorder is not THEIR fault either. Once treatment has begun and once it starts becoming successful then you, the person providing the treatment, and the person with BPD will formulate a healthy plan to reunite and you all can begin living with borderline personality disorder more peacefully and more safely.

Sources:

NIMH • Borderline Personality Disorder
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder-fact-sheet/index.shtml

NIMH • Borderline Personality Disorder
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml

Borderline Personality Disorders
http://www.stanford.edu/~corelli/borderline.html