Living with Manic Depression and OCD

What is OCD? It is an anxiety disorder, where your daily tasks become obsessive. Manic depression is a depressive disorder.

My manic depressive and OCD thoughts are in battle with each other. A life with this constant battle is tormenting the heart of my soul. Too many nights I lie awake in what I call mental pain. The manic depression and the OCD are two disorders fighting for a control of the other.

I am blessed to have these two disorders battling it out within myself. It has made me a better person. With these disorders I have learned more about myself than I would have without them. I never really thought I had OCD. And no I wasn't diagnosed medically. I diagnosed myself. How? The OCD rituals that I complete on a daily basis, I wanted to know why I had to do certain things more than twice in a row.

I searched the net in hopes of an answer to my problems. I came to a conclusion I had OCD, my symptoms and rituals were similar or a perfect match to the symptoms of OCD.

My OCD rituals are quite simple but obsessive. When leaving my home, I check numerous times to make sure all appliances are turned off, nothing is on the heaters (when they are on of course), all candles are blown out.

Those are just a few of the rituals I do. Sounds pretty normal huh? It is but here is the twist. I check each time more than six times in a row, till I feel comfortable or force myself to leave. The number isn't important to me.

How does the manic depression and OCD come into play together? Simple. My manic depression often leaves me feeling lonely and depressed and isolated. For years I have suffered through the tormenting torture of two disorders trying to battle for control.

Despite the depression, I find myself completing each task as if it like eating. OCD is like starving for food. Without the rituals I am starving for the ability to feel I have accomplished something. The OCD leaves me feeling complete and worthy. Manic depression alters my way of thinking. This manic disorder is a black shadow hovering over me.

I can't seem to shed the darkness that hovers over. It is like a bad nightmare never seeming to leave. My manic depression and OCD has been a big part of my life for so long. I am unsure of how I can exist without them both.

When the depression is knocking me on my butt, my OCD keeps me in line. Without the OCD, I don't think I would be here. As strange as this may sound, I think my OCD has saved my life on several occasions.

Without the OCD disorder keeping me inline I would completely give into the manic depression. I honestly think I would have ended my life years ago if it wasn't for the OCD. I never thought these two disorders complimented each other but they do. I didn't come to the realization of the fact till I sat down and started to write this article.

Manic depression and OCD are like fraternal twins, or good and evil. The manic depression is the evil twin and the OCD is the good twin. You will find most people who suffer through these two disorders that they don't find them as a blessing. But I do.

Both of these disorders have been my savior. I don't know what I would do without them. I have learned through the research that most people who suffer through the OCD symptoms they wish it gone. I sometimes feel that way, but not all the time.

I don't let the disorders affect my every day life. I have my ups and downs where manic depression and OCD takes over everything. But it isn't a constant problem for me. The one disorder I find myself dealing with more is the manic depression, to me it is more powerful and more strong than the other. It is an every day struggle to keep the two disorders at bay and not at battle. It is a battle for the OCD to act as the parent so to speak. It keeps the manic depression in control.

Writing this article I in hope can help those who suffer through these mental disorders. It is a struggle to keep from going insane. I hope this article can shed some light into a person's life who deals with OCD and manic depression on a daily basis. This article can help let everyone know they are not alone in this world and that the disorders doesn't have to be a death sentence.