Living with OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Behavior

Anxiety, Panic Attacks, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Behavior) all go hand in hand. I already experience anxiety and panic disorders, why not throw a little OCD in the mix. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is not to be able to be the last one of the house because you need someone else to lock the door? I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me growing up among other OCD things. Things would get so bad I wouldn't even turn the stove on to cook myself something because I wouldn't be able to leave the house without thinking I left the stove on. Who lives like this. People living with OCD live like this and much worse. Luckily I don't have a severe case of OCD, honestly I think most people have a tough of it sometime in their lives. Mine was worse when I was a child.

Growing up my parents divorced when I was only one years old. I think that had a lot do with my anxiety and OCD. My mom got remarried when I was four and it wasn't a smooth transition. My stepfather, myself, and my sister had trouble at first getting used to the idea. My stepfather liked things his to be done certain ways and I think this is where my OCD kicked in. I was afraid of getting yelled out if I forgot to do something or if I did something wrong. I am not saying my stepfather was a monster or anything like that, he was let's just use the word strict. So I would panic that I didn't lock the door behind me and he would get home first and yell at me. I would panic that I forgot to throw away the garbage, close the garage door, leave a light on, etc.

My sister also experienced the same thing with OCD growing up. I think she has learned to manage it as an adult. I have learned to manage it as well but some days are better than others. Sometimes I still have to drive back home to make sure I closed the garage door or shut off the light. I would send my husband out to see if I shut the lights out on my car. When I close my door and I have to count 1.2.3.4.5.1.2. Weird I know. I don't know where I got those numbers from. As a mom I noticed things have gotten much better. I still have the feelings to check something but I try to talk myself out of it. Sometimes I do have to make sure that everything is put away in it's proper place or else something bad might happen. For example, if I don't my earrings and rings back in the same compartment of my jewelry box every night, I feel I just jinxed something. If you were to come to my house you would think I am a neat freak. Nope, it's OCD.

I don't take any medication for this I just try to deal with it on a daily basis. Like I said earlier, some days are better than others. I just hope I don't pass this on my son. He shouldn't have to live with this like I have had to all my life.

Day by day.