Living in Paradise: A San Franciscan's Rant

The problems with living in Paradise are numerous. I am probably one of those people who cannot be pleased no matter what, and I accept that. And there is definitely something perverse about a person who can find fault with one of the most beautiful cities in the world.

One of my family's favorite things to do is to go down to Pier 39 or Ghirardelli Square and see the excited, happy looks on all of the tourists' faces. It's great to be on vacation. One's expectations are heightened, and that enhances any experience. I think it rubs off on me, too, when I see those happy tourists and hang out with them. The last time we all went down to Ghirardelli Square, we discovered an art gallery that had some sculptures by Dr. Seuss! I didn't even know Dr. Seuss made sculptures! After that, we saw a queue of tourists riding on Segways they rented nearby. I find Segways surreal as is - imagine seeing a trail of about six or seven of them ...riding to God only knows where ...

I guess the biggest issue I have is that every day for me is a vacation. And when every day is a vacation, where do you actually GO for vacation afterwards? A dilemma ...

I think all San Franciscans have this issue. Due to our "vacation location," we expect every experience to be a peak one. We work hard, but we play hard too, and when we do play, we want our play time to be absolutely perfect. Our expectations for even going out to lunch are astronomical. San Francisco is renowned for its food, and even the pastries, soups and salads here are amazing. Back when I worked in the Embarcadero, my lunch choices included Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Italian, Thai, German or French cuisine. All of these restaurants served excellent food, and more often than not the décor was truly beautiful. Bad restaurants don't survive long in San Francisco because they are up against such tough competition (and such high expectations).

It's like having an itch you can't scratch, a free-ranging discontent that often settles on the stupidest and most mundane issues. I am convinced that there is a survival mechanism installed in most people that can ruin the most perfect experience they may have. I call it the "Run in the Pantyhose Syndrome." To sum it up, imagine that you live in the most beautiful home in San Francisco, up on top of a hill in Pacific Heights with gorgeous views, ten butlers and/or maids to wait on you, a personal chef, an obliging chauffeur. In short, you are living in Paradise. You are scheduled to meet with, say, Mayor Newsom for lunch at Fleur de Lys. You are in your Lincoln Town Car, en route to your lunch. In fact, you are seconds away from the restaurant. You look down and suddenly spot an enormous, gaping run in your pantyhose (if you are a guy, substitute "run in your pantyhose" for "spot on your tie" here). No time to dash off to Walgreen's for a new pair (or tie) - you're going to have to wing it. At that moment Life seems unfair and stacked against you, no matter what. People will judge you unfairly, as they always have. Let's face it - your mom always loved your sister more than you, so why should the other diners be any different?

And then you have a taste of Hubert Keller's signature Maine Lobster and Truffle "Cappuccino," and you're fine, once again. You thank God for creating San Francisco just for you, and you decide you'll stick around on Earth just long enough to have dessert.

So the next time you decide you want to try living in Paradise, consider this ... I'm actually quite happy. But I have to keep reminding myself of this !!!!! Here's wishing you the Vacation State of Mind all year long. May it bring you many happy discoveries (yet reasonable expectations).