Living with Your Parents as an Adult

It used to be in western culture that if you were 30 and living with your parents, there was something wrong with you, that you were a product of delayed development, also known as a "loser". Given the extraordinary cost of housing these days, however, more and more people, and even married couples are feeling the financial crunch that requires them to live communally with the people they likely spent their high school years trying to avoid. While the drawbacks of this sort of living arrangement are somewhat obvious for both parties, there is also benefit to be had for all.

First, and foremost, it's cheaper to share living space than not to. That means that you can actually conceive of saving money for your own place later. With the average price of a home, in reasonable markets running close to a quarter of a million dollars, that's important. Generally speaking, adding a person or two to the living arrangements doesn't greatly affect things like the electric bill, or the phone bill or the cable bill. The cost to your parents of their mortgage or rent is the same whether you are there or not, so if you pay into it, it's good for them, but god for you too because you get the niceties of an established home without the expense. One word of caution though: if you are going to live with your parents and expect to be treated as an adult, Act like one. Pay your own way and don't require anyone to clean up after you.

Secondly, in the case of aging parents, there is real value to having someone around to pick up the invariable slack left by unexpected health issues. If you are going to live at home, make sure you pitch in wherever you can. Be sure to make your presence a benefit to your parents rather than a burden. They don't owe it to you to allow your presence and they don't owe it to you to ease your financial burden. You want them to treat you like a grown up, so act like one.

Thirdly, time with your parents in a communal living situation will more than likely teach you a lot. Remember how clueless they were when you were 16? Trust me when I tell you that they have learned a ton since then. You'll be amazed. The fact is that you can live with roommates if all you are looking for is financial benefits, but parents provide more. They provide a place of counsel. They knew you before you knew you. That has value. They provide a place of safety. It's not likely they are going to eat all of your food, pawn your CD's or steal your things. If they are, you likely wouldn't be considering living with them in the first place.

While some may rib you about inhabiting Mom's basement or attic, if you choose to live with your parents, the reality is that if you make a choice to do so, there is no shame unless in so doing, you live shamefully. There is no need to make excuses, or to explain yourself, or to wonder if you missed the boat. Life is expensive and it's getting to be more so all of the time. If you have the sort of relationship with your parents in which you can survive life with them in close quarters, you have a tremendous opportunity to gain wisdom with them as a co-conspirator in your personal success story as opposed to as the nags that tried to ruin your life in your youth. Take advantage of the opportunity of relationship with them. They won't be middle aged forever... and you won't be young forever. May you and your parents forge a communal experience of respect and cooperation if you choose to share living arrangements with them as you age.