Living with the Results of a Head Injury

So, you may be wondering; what is this guy writing about and why is he writing it? Well, you see, I feel the need to explain things because I don't think that people really understand what it's like to live with a head injury. Plus I've heard about the suicide rate of people that come back from the war in Iraq that have head injuries.

I feel the need to isolate myself from the rest of society because I don't think I'm normal. I mean, I have a tremor in my hand that means that I can't hold my hand completely still without having it supported by something.

I remember that in one job that I had in a drugstore where I had to work closely with the public; people would always ask me, why are you shaking so much? It's a bit embarrassing and feels a bit degrading when I have to explain to everybody that I had a head injury when I was little. I know that they don't really understand and they give me a blank stare look that says," whatever"; without ever actually having words come out of their mouth.

I know what your saying to yourself now, why doesn't this guy get a job doing something else? Well, let me tell you; here are the reasons: I don't have the skills, I don't have the training, I'm shy, I'm slow, real slow, I mean really slow, slower than a slug. Ok, maybe not that slow; but slow. You see what I'm saying?

Not only am I slow, I also have a difficulty learning. My learning style is: I guess I learn best by actually doing something. There aren't a lot of jobs out there that you learn by actually doing it. Plus, I have other problems to contend with now because I've had a herniated disk in my back which I had back surgery for. They did a laminectomy in my lower back. It was between L4 and L5; if you are a medical person, you would understand those terms.

I'm not a medical person; I'm just a guy who has a bad back, a head injury, and I also have another herniated disk in my back which hasn't been diagnosed. I had x-rays taken of it once but, they didn't see anything; of course because what they really need to do is an MRI. I know that it's a herniated disk because it's the same type of pain as the first herniated disc, the pain is just in a different spot.

So, you may be asking yourself; why don't you just off yourself? Well, for one, I have a six year old son whom I love very much. He is my pride and joy. He needs his dad around. So, I continue to try to get help in whatever way I can.

I'm still waiting for the day when all hell breaks loose and the axe actually falls to the ground; so to speak and I actually have nothing else that I can do to try to save myself.

I feel like I'm in for the fight of my life. It's so hard to get help these days but, I'm not giving up without a fight. I have problems with depression, problems with back pain(herniated disc, chronic back pain) which prevent me from being able to work.

I'm trying to get on disability, which I live in the state of Washington which is the worst state to try to get on it in. I have not worked in five years. I'm sure that if it wasn't for the help of my mom and dad; that I would have been dead in a gutter somewhere a long time ago.

I don't know why I continue to hang onto hope. I always get these bills in the mail for the hospital which, I have no money to pay. I put them all in a big pile and I continue to try to struggle to find a way in which I can be a contributing member of society.

Maybe, my words alone will reach out to another human being and tell them to try to go out and live another day. Put the gun down and stop wanting to blow your head off. There are better ways to live life than wanting to kill yourself all the time. There is help available, you just have to seek it.

This has been my two cents worth.