Living in a Sex-Saturated Society

Everywhere you look, in the magazines, on TV commercials, in the songs you hear the main message is relating to sex. We have hit television shows like "Sex in the City", and soap opera story lines that all lead to the same thing: sex. The familiar saying in most marketing companies "Sex sells," demonstrates how we as a society buy into the idea that sex is the "be all" and "end all" to happiness and living a successful full life.

From the clothes we wear, to the "peek-a-boo" tattoos strategically placed on a woman's backside, we see the message is clear: we need to look a certain way in order to be happy. We have fashion trends that leave little to the imagination on what is underneath and added pressure for women fit into these trends. We have commercials that suggest this brand of shampoo has the power to throw a woman into an orgasmic climax, to the latest trendy videos shown on MTV or VH1 with scar-less, cellulite free, sun kissed, tanned perfect female bodies strutting to moves one can that are more appropriate deriving from the bedroom. The message is clear "Sex Sells".

What kind of message are we giving our young daughters, our sisters, women of all ages and sizes about how to live and lead a productive, happy, fulfilled life in our society today? The focus the media has on sexual themes that promote a casual sexually active lifestyle and its impact on a woman's life is based on fantasy, not real life. What are the dangers of falling prey to this unrealistic perception women have of how sexually active a woman should be in order to fit into this mold? Some of these dangers include:

· A negative self-concept or lowered sense of self-worth, resulting in low self-esteem.

· Women who believe that in order to have a loving relationship, she must use sex have unrealistic expectations in personal relationships with members of the opposite sex.

· Women who buy into this sex saturated message the media proclaims as the key to happiness may face serious health issues to name a few; eating disorders, starvation diets and other related health risks such as sexually transmitted diseases in order to be more desirable to members of the opposite sex. Women who lead a highly sexually promiscuous lifestyle (usually without proper protection) are at higher risk of serious issues not well prepared for such as unwanted pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases.

The magazines we read are overflowing with sexual connotations on how to attract men. If we women can attract a man, we can obtain love is often the hidden message behind the articles we pore over. On the cover of the October 2004 issue of Cosmopolitan magazine, the first title reads, "Sex Tricks-When you whip out one of these Doozies, He'll know He's with a REAL woman" Does this title suggest that the woman who does not know these "sex tricks" are not real? On the inside of the July, 2003 issue of Glamour magazine an article's title reads," Play 'em up! Your Body's Seductive Zones: We're sure you are well acquainted with appeal of cleavage. Now meet eight underrated just-as-hot spots. Show yours off!" This title suggests that the "appeal" has much more to do with the how a woman looks and what her body is like than who she is as a person. In the movies we watch, it is the younger, "beautiful" flawless woman who captures the adoration of the leading man. As the story unfolds, the message is clear to society according to the movie industry that when the characters finally consummate a sexual act there is love. Society's obsession with sex often leads women to believe that this is how to obtain love, by having sex or by having a perfect look. What is a woman to do if she does not fit society's definition of what an attractive, desirable woman should look like to win the love of a member of the opposite sex? Are women struggling with fad diets and eating disorders to become more healthy or are they trying to fit into an image that society defines as beautiful, attractive, desirable which in turn translates into loveable. The cosmetic industry has become a billion dollar industry from breast enlargements to the popular TV show "Nip and Tuck", more and more people are altering some part of their body in order to fit a feminine ideal image that society has manufactured and glorified. Imagine a woman sitting in a night club with her girlfriend, wearing a high midriff top, with her silicone filled size DD cup breasts overflowing, Her copper dyed hair falling gracefully over her shoulder, tapping her fake nails on the bar, she complains to her friend after being bombarded by sexually frustrated crude drunk men. She looks at her friend and asks? "When will I meet a guy who falls in love with the "REAL" me?"

When a young woman confuses sex for love or believes that this is the way to get love through sex, this can negatively affect her perception in her interpersonal relationships. For example, a young girl goes to a party. Everyone is having a good time. There is a young man she finds attractive. When this young man notices her, he approaches her and after several jokes and laughs, a few more drinks, he guides her to one of the bedrooms upstairs to "get more comfortable". The young girl feels excited to gain the attention of this handsome, popular young man and be the envy of the other women at the party. The young man successfully charms her right out of her clothes and they have sex, unprotected sex. She has read about the risks involved in having unprotected sex, but in the heat of the moment, she denies her reservations and proceeds in this sexual act. Monday morning comes and she believes that the man who told her so many sweet things as he persuaded her to sleep with him would appear and add more meaning to their tryst just a few nights earlier. He is nowhere around, when she does see him he acts as if he does not know her. The euphoria she remembers a few nights earlier is long gone as she realizes that she gave up a part of herself to someone she hardly knew. This act has now given her reason to mistrust her judgment as she has hurt herself by romanticizing the notion that this sexual encounter was more than just that-a sexual encounter. When a woman feels rejection in this way after having been sexual with someone, it can often lead the woman to turn this rejection inward, making her believe that her worth was measured by much less than her actual self. Sexuality is only a small part of who we are as individuals, what appeared to be ignored in this story was this young woman's other aspects of her being; was she a smart woman? Did she have a sweet personality? What kind of values did she live by? In this example, the only focus was steered towards her sexuality.

Young women who aresexually promiscuous (usually without proper protection) may face other serious issues not well prepared for such as unwanted pregnancy or contracting sexually transmitted diseases. There are no warning signs on advertisements presenting the models that are half-naked in bed simulating a sexual act that there is a real threat of sexually transmitted diseases or chance of pregnancy without sufficient protection. In the soap operas, you will see a character named Jane who has been involved sexually with her father in law, her best-friends boyfriend, her ex-boyfriends second cousin yet no one has been to the doctor. How often is there even mention of the use of a condom between lovers in daytime television? Women, who follow these soap operas, can eventually believe that this is what it is supposed to be like when you are in a relationship, hopping from one bed to another.

What is the result of buying into this lie? We have a society filled with women who have been cut, we have had their stomachs stapled, have had the fat sucked out of their bodies, have "physically repaired' of their imagined defects. We have young girls suffering from one eating disorder or another. We have a much-distorted idea of love and relationships with unrealistic expectations. We have an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases all over the nation with women high on the receiving end risk. Teenage pregnancy is a problem with children raising children only to repeat the same mistakes we once did.

Until we can understand that what the media states is the road to happiness is not based on reality. That by yielding down a dangerous road of unprotected sexual activity and a path of self-destructive behaviors that support body image dissatisfaction and low self esteem, we do not guarantee ourselves a better life or love or happiness will we be able to focus on what is important in all of us. What is most important is who we are not what we do and what is inside of us rather than outward appearances is the key that will make way for us to live a happier life.