Living with Your Teenager

Your 15 year old comes in from school and gives you a huge hug. It was the best day ever for them and they are smiling from ear to ear. Ten minutes later, you mention that dinner is almost ready and suddenly that same sweet person you were talking to only minutes ago is screaming at you, slamming doors and blaring their music. You would be completely shocked if it wasn't for the fact that this is what life has recently turned into for the entire family. Living with your teenager has become a nightmare and you begin to wonder how much more of it you can take.

Teenagers hate everything. Well, maybe not everything, but most days their moods can change from one extreme to another and may do so at any given moment without any obvious reason and certainly without warning. Managing any teenager can be a full time job and when they become more difficult to deal with than most, it can be just plain exhausting. What is a parent to do?

Certainly, some of the changing in moods and behavior can be attributed to hormones. Your teen is beginning to grow up and although right now it seems like it might; these moods will not last forever. On top of the hormones, teens are dealing with many other issues as well. School may become more challenging, social pressures are more intense, and your child is suddenly torn between wanting more independence and still wanting that safety of being a child. Understanding all of these things as well as trying some simple strategies will not only help your relationship with your teenager, but it may very well keep you sane during this difficult period.

Be Patient - You want your sweet child back and you want them back right this moment! You want the child that still needs your approval for everything they do in their life. Chances are that is not going to happen. However, if you are patient, on the other side of all the drama, is adulthood and most teens will grow into being a well adjusted and contributing adult. If you give it time, you may find that when they finally get through this difficult time, what comes our on the other side is even better than the original version. The more your teen sees you as pushing them, the harder they will push back and that will not end well for either of you. Give them some time and space as long as it is safe and acceptable to do so and you could be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

Be Fair, but Firm - Many parents bounce from one extreme to another when they are living with a difficult teenager. It is important that you try to be reasonable and give them a little room to grow. Being too strict or overprotective will result in constant power struggles with your child. These situations usually end in explosive and often regretted moments. On the other hand, your child should not feel like you are trying to be their best friend and will let anything slide as long as they are nice to you. Teenagers still need their parents, they already have friends. You don't ever want your teenager to feel like they can take advantage of your relationship. Try to find a middle ground and stay there. Be sure there are established rules and consequences and stick to them. When dealing with a situation stay calm and speak clearly without accusing or casting blame. These tips may very well help you to keep the situation at a level that both you and your teen can manage without a negative ending.

Be Informed - Times are changing and the more knowledgeable you are about teen issues, the better for both you and your child. Talk with other parents, teachers, and your child. Listen to the music your teen is listening to and visit the websites that they are visiting. It is still within reason to want to know the parents of your teenager's friends and to ask them for access to their cell phones and computers. Explain to them that if they have nothing to hide, it should not be a big deal. Be sure that you as a parent understand the signs of drug use, gang involvement, depression, and sexual activeness. Don't confuse being informed with being paranoid and try not to over-react if you find something that causes concern. Instead, be willing to deal with issues that arise head on and without apology. You love your child and burying your head in the sand because an issue seems to large or you hope it will go away, will only make things worse in the long run.

Keep Communicating - The single biggest thing you can do for any teenager as their parent is to let them know that you are there to listen and to talk. You may not think they care and you may not believe they are listening, but many times the exact opposite is true. Just knowing that they have one person they can turn to may make all the difference for them at a critical moment. Don't give up on communicating even when you get frustrated or discouraged. Keep in mind that your teenager still needs you even if they can't always express that need.

It may not seem like it and you may not believe it at this moment, but you and your teenager will get through this difficult period. Years from now, you will both look back and laugh at some of the behaviors and things that you went through. Most importantly, even years from now, your child will know how much you loved them when living with them was such a nightmare.