Living Together Without Marriage

"The best thing about living together without getting married," said a 21-year-old college girl, "is that you both know you still have a long way to go to find yourself, and you know that if you change a lot, if in a few months or in a few years you find you're not right for each other, you haven't made a final commitment."

An increasing number of persons agree with her. Is she right? Is it a better way than marriage? Just why are so many practicing it?

Huge Increase

There has been a phenomenal increase in the number of persons living together without marriage, that is, without their making a commitment before witnesses and having this properly registered. The United States has seen a 100-percent rise in seven years. In Japan, the number of mothers whose marriages were not legally registered more than doubled in five years.

In Sweden, the number of unwed persons who cohabit has risen about 35 percent from the 1950's to the 1970's. In Brazil, those living in this way grew from about two million in 1970 to close to four million now.

It is obvious that a dramatic change in attitude toward marriage has taken place. Why?

Why So Popular?

There are many reasons. One is that many marriages are a painful experience, as the rising number of divorces indicates. Some, having come from a bad marriage and feeling drained by it, are reluctant to repeat it.

Legalized abortion and surer birth-control methods have made such a life-style easier in many places. Also, the greater toleration by society toward how people live makes it easier to enter this lifestyle. And at times there are certain economic advantages, such as tax laws that favor single people.

Internal forces are at work as well. Many of today's women fear male dominance. There are fears of being committed to the point of submerging one's identity. Too, women today have greater equality and many of them are more interested in careers than in raising a family. And there is concern that a mate will change for the worse.

Some rebel against their parents, or against a strict moral code. Others seek sexual variety without responsibility. Many view it as an alternative to loneliness. Psychologically, some feel that there is a lesser sense of personal failure when a couple "split" than when a marriage fails. And there are those who sincerely feel that they are more considerate of each other when not legally bound to respond.

However, does living together without marriage always bring the sense of fulfillment and happiness anticipated? In general, does it make for a better life-style than does marriage? Carefully weigh the case of a woman whose experience is not at all unusual among those who choose this style of living.