Loaded: How to Convince People You Are a Multi-millionaire

While many people have dreamed of untold riches, only the fortunate few have access to the mega bucks. But if you want to give the impression of having a trolley load of cash, when really you're on speaking terms with church mice - here are my 5 top tips on how to appear as loaded as King Solomon.

1) The Fake Call

Cell phones are great devices for having fake calls with people. So if you're in a public place, start to have a rather loud 'conversation' with your 'financial advisor.' Tell him where to invest some of your liquid assets and have him transfer some of your funds to one of several offshore accounts. Or you could call a 'friend' to let them know they can stay in your chalet in Aspen. Remember to actually have your phone switched off. A sudden ringing tone and the game will be up.

2) Be Vague About The Cost of Things

Rich people don't know the cost of everyday items such as bread, milk or clothes - that's for peasants. So if you're ever asked about a recent purchase, be vague about how much it cost you. It may well take you five years to pay off the loan for your new HDTV, but if asked, you spent, oh I don't know, a few bucks that were lying around. There should be an increasing correlation between the cost of the purchase and the amount of vagueness you must display.

3) Hint At Old Money

These are some handy phrases to drop into conversations that will give the impression that you come from a family that's had vast wealth for generations.

"I think my grandfather owned a sizeable chunk of California."

"My father's given his driver the day off."

"I can't really say anything until I've cleared it with the family lawyer."

4) Affect an upper class accent

This is always a head-turner. Affect crisp vowels and perfect pronunciation, it shows breeding and class. If you don't dress a million dollars it really doesn't matter. People will assume you just don't want to flaunt your wealth.

5) The real estate brochure

Sit in a public place with a real estate brochure, and start circling the houses you are interested in viewing. Perhaps a swanky multi-million dollar pad in the Hamptons? You can even put a call in to the selling agent. Anyone looking over your shoulder or listening to your conversation will be seriously impressed.

There you have it. So don't be a Joey Tribbiani in the episode of Friends, where he pretented to be the owner of a Porsche. He came unstuck when a woman collided with his 'car' - a pile of cardboard boxes hidden under a canopy. Learn from his mistake and take this guide with you, and a life of imagined wealth be yours.