Local Feminist Admits Getting Offended by Basically Everything

CIRCLE-VILLE, NY - Bernice Barrows-White grimaced menacingly, tapping her foot to a nervy, insinuating tempo

"There are a lot of things with the way women are treated in the America today that offends me. Where do I start? Well, I'm offended by unfair sexually determined hiring practices, wage and promotional gender bias in the workplace, sexual harassment, a generally perceived 'weaker' sex syndrome perpetuated by makeup, lipstick, perfume and even gentlemanly door opening, and Barbie doll typecasting that girls are subjected to from cradle to grave that women should be svelte, blond, 'pretty in pink' homemakers who should only worry about how to bake cakes for their husbands and smile dumbly like stoned Stepford wives."

Barrows-White paused for the briefest moment to actually breath in some air

"And men...all kinds of men offend me...white men who try to tell me how to live my life and who I can and can't date, black men who want to conquer me sexually, trophy hunter men who want to keep me barefoot, pregnant and career-less, Islamic men who want to keep me in veils, fat men, thin men, young men and old men basically offend me, and not to mention a male dominated socio-economic system that perpetuates male superiority in sports, politics, business and even in advertising and entertainment that relegates women to the role of domesticated sexual icons offends me too. I see it every minute of every waking day and hour on the TV, the radio, in magazines and on the Internet. It's all very, very offensive."

When reminded that, in reality, the greater majority of American women are given more than ample opportunity to pursue complex, high salaried careers if it is within their choosing and ability, and prodded that her own anti-male rantings originate more truthfully from latent, deeply repressed, highly-submissive sexual fantasies and desires, Barrows-White exploded

"Of course I have a man in my life! What gave you the idea that I didn't? And that sir, is a very, very offensive question!"