Long Distance Relationships: Answering the Tough Questions

So you met someone online and fell head over heels in love with them have you? Now you're asking yourself, when should I meet him/her the first time? This is a really difficult question to answer and there is no definitive answer that works for everyone either. My personal perspective after having waited to meet someone and had the relationship fail, is that it is never too soon to meet. Will others agree with me? Some will, some won't. Let me explain why I said that it's never too soon and maybe I can make you understand.

When you meet someone that you like that isn't long distance, you get to know them face to face. You get to know their body language, the tone and inflection in their voice when they speak. You get to watch and learn the different nuances of their behavior right away. Do you get that same thing with a long distance relationship? In most cases, you do not get that. Even if you're using a web cam and a voice chat, you still miss out on subtle gestures and looks. You will miss out on subtle tone changes, pitch changes and even miss out on words all together.

Does this make a long distance relationship impossible? As I've said before, nothing is impossible if you want to put forth the effort to make it work and make it last. But I do think that if you are going to pursue a relationship with someone who is long distance from you, it is best to meet sooner than later. If you wait for too much time to pass and you fall hard for someone, you start to feel like you can't live without them, or don't want to live without them. You want this person to be a part of your life for a long time, but when you do finally meet, there is absolutely no spark or chemistry. Worse yet, but not entirely impossible, is that you learn that they are not at all what you expected, either by intentional misleading or assumptions of things. Then you will have spent all that time on a relationship that isn't going to work out the way you hoped it would.

Another reason for meeting sooner than later is that by meeting early on, you can spend time together, face to face, and learn about each other's nuances and subtleties. Then when you have to spend time apart, you will be more in tune with one another, making you better able to understand one another. By spending that time together early in the relationship, you have the knowledge of what it can be like once you are together long term. By spending the time together, you will know each other well enough to know if you can make it last long term or if you are better off looking elsewhere. I know this sounds trite, but why waste time on a relationship when it's not going to be what you want or need in the long run?

Is it smart to meet early in a relationship? From a safety aspect, it isn't always smart to meet early on. But if you are going to do it, then make sure that you meet somewhere neutral. Find somewhere that isn't considered home territory for either of you. Make sure that you meet somewhere public for the first time and that people know where you are. Never meet someone without having a safe contact or checking in with someone. There are far too many predators in this world not to be smart and safe when you meet someone, especially for the first time.

Can you make a long distance relationship work by meeting early in the relationship? You certainly can, and in fact, you will probably have a better, stronger bond by having that time together early on. Doesn't this create a longing and desire to spend more time together? It certainly does, but it also shows you if that longing and desire is going to be there at all. All in all, the sooner you meet, the sooner you will know if it was worth meeting at all.