Long Hair: A Guide to Caring for, Managing and Styling It

It really, really matters what kind of hair you have. There's how thick or thin (how much hair you have), coarse or fine (how big around each strand is) and how curly or straight it is. Then there's oily, dry flaky (not the same as dry), and what you've done to it. Color treatments, layers, heat and everything else cruel and unusual that people do their hair makes a big different in what kind of products you use. What works for my hair won't work for someone else with a different hair type. Also, the longer your hair is, the more careful you need to be with what you do to it. When you have hair shorter than about mid-back, it doesn't really matter what you do to it, because you're going to cut the ends off before you really do any damage to them, so you can color and curl and dry and do whatever. But hair grows about half an inch a month, so six inches in a year. My hair is about fifty inches long, so the ends of my hair have been there for eight years. Compared to the three or so years that midback length hair has been around, that makes a difference.

Hair Typing Me, I'm a 2aFii.

Washing

There are four different components to washing your hair. What you use to shampoo, what you use to condition, how you use both those things, and what you need to wash out.

Believe it or not, there are more and better ways to wash your hair besides lather, rinse, repeat, condition. There's water-only (good for short hair or hair that is very dry and flaky), conditioner-only (good for in-between shampoo-washes), and my personal favorite, condition-wash-condition or CWC. The methods are pretty self-explanatory (I'll go into about how and why CWC works better because it's a little more complicated), but WHAT you use to wash and condition makes a world of difference.

There are two important ingredients in shampoo and conditioner. For shampoo, you want to look out for sulfates. There are four main kinds of sulfates- aluminum and sodium, lauryl and laureth. If you ask some people, sulfates are responsible wrong with the environment for everything under the sun. I think they're fine. But whatever.

Aluminum is the harshest. Lauryl is harsher than laureth. So there is Al. lauryl sulfate (ALS), Al. laureth sulfate (ALES), sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS), and sodium laureth sulfate (ALES). Trying to find a shampoo that doesn't have sulfates in it is an exercise in futility, unless you want to spend like nine bucks a bottle. Even the finest, most delicate hair can withstand SLES *IF* you use it properly. If you're trying to grow your hair out, stay away from the Al. sulfates. Look for a shampoo that has ONLY SLES. I use Tressemme. White Rain used to make one, but now they all have ALS. I also REALLY love La Bella shampoo, but that can be hard to find. There are other kinds of sulfates, but generally, those will all be milder than even SLES. And they're usually hard to find.

You might think that baby shampoo is good to use, but it's not. Baby shampoo is made to be alkaline, because your eyes are alkaline, which is why it doesn't hurt them when suds get in, but your hair is acidic. Baby shampoo is VERY drying- that's why so many babies have incurable cradle cap. They don't make enough oil on their scalp yet to counter act the harsh, basic shampoo. I use just conditioner on Gwen's hair and scrub it with a soft nylon bristle brush. Works like a charm.

For conditioner, there is the great 'cones or no 'cones debate. Lest you end up like me and wonder what in the world orange traffic cones have to do with hair (no, really I thought this for a while before I clued in) they mean silicone and dimethicone. Some hair types love cones. My hair loves cones. Most fine/thick combos do. Coarse hair generally can't tolerate it, and it will weigh down thin hair too much. Cones are glue, basically. They coat your hair with plastic. This can be a good thing or it can be a bad thing. It's great to use when you're doing a complicated updo and you don't want little frizzes everywhere. I also use it when I want my hair to be uber-curly- I use a serum and spray before I braid it in pigtails, and it helps "shape" the hair into the braid better, so that when I take it out I have perfectly lovely waves- that's why most of the pictures of my hair show it as much curlier than it really is.

Cheap, dollar store conditioner is your friend. Buy a lot. Buy different scents. Buy different brands. Try one, use that bottle, JUST that bottle, and see how your hair feels when you get to the end of it. If you don't like it, try something else. Open the bottles in the store and see what they feel like. If they're thick or runny, if they're slick or kinda sticky. Suave, VO5, White Rain- they all work just fine. You do not need fifteen dollar products. People who sell hair products want you to think you do, but it's all in how you use them.

Whether you use cones also depends on what kinds, how much, and what you use to clarify it. For all my mamas who use cloth diapers, you know that junk like fabric softener, diaper rash cream, and the like will collect on your diapers. The same thing happens with your hair, when you use cones (and some other ingredients will do it, but mostly cones). And just like with diapers, you have to strip it. That's what clarifying is. Just don't use dishsoap and a hot water rinse. =P

There are different ways to clarify your hair. If you're like me and don't use hardly any product, then just a regular shampoo with SLES will do the trick. If you use hairspray, serums, cremes, anything like that, you'll probably need something else. A baking soda rinse works very well, and isn't as harsh as the other sulfates. The point is not to scrub your head with the baking soda, but to rinse your hair in an alkaline solution ("But I thought you said alkaline was BAD for your hair!" Yes, it is, but so is bulidup). After a baking soda rinse (I do one after I wear my hair up and use cones to keep the frizz down) the best thing is an apple cider vinegar rinse. I'll post the recipes for these when I find them, I haven't done them in a while.

Methods of Washing

CWC- The point behind this is that the length of your hair- from the nape to the ends- DOES NOT NEED SHAMPOO. Really. It doesn't. Conditioner has surfectants in it- chemicals that break the surface tension of water- and it will get rid of oil and dirt and sweat just fine. It's much like the oil cleansing method for your face. You need a conditioner with NO CONES, even if your hair likes cones, you don't want it for this. And you need a shampoo that your hair likes. A shower cap is useful.
With lukewarm water, soak your hair. Completely. Stand under it for a minute. Run your hands through it. Scratch your scalp. Sing a song. A lot of people really don't get their hair WET enough and that's where a lot of problems come from. Then, get some conditioner. Fill your hand up. Run it from the nape of your neck down. Do this until your hair feels positively slimy. If you wear your hair in a ponytail at all, pay SPECIAL attention to the nape- the friction from the scrunchie wears it out something fierce. I have a lot of hair, so I use a lot of conditioner. One regular 16 oz bottle lasts me about five washes. (The upside is that I wash my hair about once every two weeks. More on that later.)

Wrap it up and do other shower stuff. This is where the shower cap comes in handy. Get enough shampoo to get suds in your scalp-hair and NOTHING ELSE. Then wash out the shampoo and conditioner at the same time. Now, break out the conditioner, and get ALL of your hair, scalp to ends, even slimier than before. When I feel really decadent, I do the first condition and wash really quick, in cold water, and then I slather on the conditioner and run a hot bath. Shave my legs, put a face mask on, read, whatever. Then rinse it out in COLD water, as cold as you can stand. This is variable (cold feels divine in the summer, or after you've just been steaming yourself in the tub, in the middle of winter, not so much) but basically you want colder water than you used for the first rinse. Rinse it out WELL. Remember what I said about not getting your hair wet enough.

For conditioner only, the trick is to use a crapload of conditioner and let it sit there for as long as possible, and then stand in the coldest water possible for as long as possible.

The gentlest way to dry your hair is to grab it one hand, and squeeze, but NOT twist. Don't use a towel, just squeegee the water out.

Products

One of my very favorite things about long hair is that you don't style it. You can do things do it, but I can wake up, brush my hair, and I'm good. It looks fine if I don't do anything to it. When it's long like mine, you can cut knots out and no one knows the difference, instead of trying to salvage hopelessly damaged hair so you don't have a weird spot. But I still use products every now and then.

I love love love love John Freida's hair stuff. Except his shampoo and conditioner, because he uses AL/ES and way too many cones and it's terribly overpriced, but I love his serums and creams and sprays and whatall. ONLY use them if your LIKES cones. If your use it and your hair feels stiff and crispy, try using less. If it still feels nasty, then your hair doesn't like cones.
I use the Frizz-Ease Hair Serum, and the Dream Curls spray, and the Secret Weapon creme. When I detangle my hair, right when I get out of the shower and it's sopping wet, I slather it in this stuff right away, then comb it all out. When I'm done combing, or if I've let my hair dry a bit before I comb it (this happens frequently since I have a baby and the four luxurious hours I used to spend washing and combing and braiding my hair have been reduced to about thirty minutes) then I use the Dream Curls spray. Then I braid it in pigtails. With that many cones, if I braid it tight enough, I can go three or four days in the same pigtails with no ill effects. Once I take them out, I use the Secret Weapon creme when I brush and/or comb my hair.

Your hair should never, ever be brushed when wet. Find a seamless comb. Honestly, some of the best money I've ever spent in my life was on a horn comb. If you have thick hair, it's worth it. I used to break combs CONSTANTLY. And they just feel so nice. This is the one I have. The owner of the store called me and gave me a personal consultation on what I should be using it for and how to best detangle my hair and what kind of comb would work for me. She's a very sweet French-Canadian woman with an accent so thick you can't cut it with a knife. But seriously, I would pay $45 for this comb over and over again. Also, horn combs don't make your hair staticy. They're also made of the same kind of thing your hair is- keratin- and it picks up gunk from your hair. This means peridoically, you need to scrape it out. OMG the stuff I've scraped off this thing, that used to be in my HAIR! Frightening. She says that you can't use it on wet hair, but if you rub lanolin on it (which you should do every now and then whether it gets wet or not) and dry it well after you use it, it's fine. Just don't bring it in the shower with you.

For a brush, my life was changed when I discovered porcupine brushes. It's the gentleness of a boar-bristle brush (BBB) with the penetration of a nylon bristle. BBBs also cut down on static. The Rolls Royce of BBB is a Mason Pearson. I've never tried one, so I don't know how different they are from other BBBs.

I like to use jojoba oil on my hair every once and a while. I just put it on after I wash it and put it in a bun and then let it dry before I comb it out. Pure jojoba oil is expensive, but this stuff works just fine.

Another essential item for anyone with long hair is a good pair of SHARP hair cutting scissors that you only use for hair. In a pinch, manicure scissors work if you can't find your hair scissors or if your kid has used them for an art project. If you have long hair, you are going to get tangles. Period. Do your best to get it out, but if it's all snarled and bent and nasty, it's better to cut it out of your hair.

Also, How to cut your own hair. I haven't paid for a haircut in five years and I'm a better woman for it. I've used this technique to give myself a blunt cut time and time again- to take off anywhere from half an inch to a whooping seven inches.

ETA: Styles! Duh!
Ponytails- everyone loves a ponytail. Velvet, satin, or very soft cotton scrunchies work the best.

Pigtails- either braided or loose look cute on anyone. No matter how old you are.

Simple braid- I love braiding my hair. I love to have my hair braided. Simple and classy and keeps your hair from tangling. It will however continue to shed, so it's a bad idea to leave it there for more than a few days, because the nape of your neck will become impossibly snarled and you WILL have mats that you WILL have to cut out.
When you're first learning how to braid your own hair, put it in a ponytail first, then flip it over your shoulder and do it in a mirror. Soon enough you'll be able to do it in the dark with one hand.

Bun- I hate pins. I don't know anyone who likes pins. I just spiral it up like usual and use a scrunchy. If I want it to be extra secure, I put it in a ponytail, then in a bun. This kind of bun does loosen pretty fast, but it's good for a quick out of the face sorta deal. I'm also fond of hairsticks.

Figure 8 bun- This is a good deal more secure, and a little fancier. It's how I wore my hair to my high school homecoming (the only dance I went to, and that was just so I could get all gussied up and wear a pretty dress) You make a regular bun, then flip the top coil up, and pin it in place. You can also get a hairstick, shove it through the hole of the flipped-up coil, and then down through the main bun. It might take a few tries to make it stay, but once you get the hang of it, it'll last through anything. This is how I do my hair up when I put it under a bandanna. You can also do pigtails, twirl them together, and put them in a figure 8.

Philosophy

This sounds like a lot of work. It isn't. Like I said, I wash my hair about once every TWO WEEKS. I can get away with this because I've weaned my hair off of heavy duty shampoo and conditioner washes every day, and what oil my scalp does make is easily distributed along the length. I can brush my hair out in a manner of minutes, provided I remember to do it every day. It takes thirty seconds to braid. I mean, if you suddenly had hair as long as mine, you would have NO idea what to do with it. But I've been growing my hair for eight years, as previously mentioned. I remember when my hair turned LONG long that I would look at pictures of women who had hair as long as mine is now and wondering how in the HELL they washed it, or braided it, or did ANYTHING with it, but at a rate of half an inch per month if your hair grows on the fast side of average, you have time to get used to it all.

I like my hair. I like how it looks, I like how it feels. I like having longer hair than 99% of the population. I like having it played with. I like doing elaborate things with it. It's part sweater, part stuffed animal, part security blanket. Even when I've been lazy and not brushed my hair in a week, I can get away with shoving it in a bun and it looks fine.