Looking for the "They" People

For years I've had people give me advice by way of these nameless "they" people. Probably everybody has heard some kind of comment about those they people. You know, they're the ones who seem to know all about everything and telling us what we should or shouldn't do.

For instance, I was thinking about buying a certain kind of car one time, and my friend piped up with "Well, they say this car has a lot of mechanical problems." When I inquired as to who had told her this, she responded with those mysterious they people.

"Who is they?" I asked.

"You know, the people who know about cars."

"Well, tell me who you know that owns a car like this and told you."

"Oh, I can't think of anyone in particular. It's just something I've heard from other people." I've determined that those mysterious they people apparently travel in packs and try to keep their identity hidden.

This wasn't my first encounter with that faceless hoard. Those they people have been dogging me my entire life trying to influence me about one thing or another. My mother used to pull those they people out as quickly as any gunslinger can clear leather. "Don't eat that. They say it's not good for you. Don't complain about your teacher. They say she's one of the best. Don't wear those sloppy clothes. What will people say?" That's when I realized the theys were really people. Up to that point, I was a little unsure, but surely if my mother had insight into them, they must be real flesh and blood.

I don't know who these they people are, but they must pull a lot of weight because everyone seems concerned about their opinion. You would think being such intelligent and knowledgeable people, there would be statues erected to them on every street corner. But if there are, I haven't seem them.

I did try to locate some of those they people one time, but my efforts were futile. Every time I thought I had a lead to one, I ran into a dead end. Obviously, they are clever because they eluded me at every turn. For being such an opinionated bunch who seem to be giving out advice on a regular basis, they can keep a low profile.

I finally decided, though, that I'm not going to listen to what they say anymore. If those they people have to keep their identify under wraps, then I figure their opinion's not really worth all that much. Besides, since they're such a secretive bunch, maybe I'll just become one of the they people. That way I can tell people my opinion on anything that comes along, and I'll just preface it with the famous "you know, they say...." Who knows, maybe they'll even invite me to join their group. Wonder if the they people have a secret handshake? If not, maybe I can show them a thing or two.