Lori Powers, "Can I Be a Cat?" Tips for Dealing with an ADHD Child

"Does that mean I can be a cat?" was my daughter's reply. We were talking about what she wanted to be once she grew up. And trying to be a supportive, encouraging parent I told her she could be anything she wanted.

She was four years old at the time and had been diagnosed with Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) the year before.

I learned through trial and error how to cope with a child with this type of condition.

1. They will take everything you say literally. If you say something you had better mean it and follow through, whether it is discipline or what you are having for dinner that night.
2. They need structure in their lives. This applies to every aspect. I didn't dare change the furniture around in the house for years. Even the smallest change would affect her negatively. I would arrange meal times approximately the same time every day, same with homework and bath time.
3. When dealing with the healthcare community always remember you are the parent and the ultimate decision is up to you. When talking to a doctor or psychiatrist, if something feels wrong to you, it probably is. Trust your judgment. Sometimes your instincts as a parent are better than any drug or test. It is very important to find a psychiatrist or counselor that your child can relate to. We went through four counselors before finding the right one.
4. Learn your rights in the public education system. Every child is entitled to a free public education in the least restrictive environment. My daughter was transferred to a hospital school in 2^nd grade. She went there for 2 years and was eliminated from the program when the maximum benefits had capped out on the mental health portion of my private insurance policy. I was informed that unless I paid $250.00 a week she would have to find a different place to attend classes. I didn't have that kind of extra money. The school stumbled around suggesting I start home schooling and offering to send a teacher to my house a couple times a week. This went on for two months. I was trying to juggle a full-time job and still make sure she got an education. Then I got angry and started calling people. I found an agency that helped with issues like this. Look in your government or yellow pages for some kind of protection or advocacy group for kids. Once I got them involved and they told me that my private insurance was never supposed to be billed, since it was the school system that had placed her in the hospital program, the special education division of our school district not only reimbursed my insurance company but within two days she was back in the hospital school and I never heard another word about the cost.
5. Be open and honest with your daycare provider. If they don't feel they can handle your child they will tell you right away. My daughter was kicked out of four different daycare centers. It's not that I tried to cover up her ADHD but I had failed to open the lines of communication. When she entered the fifth daycare I sat down with the director and discussed the problems she was having in school and at home. They were more prepared to deal with her and didn't feel like they were putting her down every time they gave me a negative report on her day.
6. My most important lesson was I had to learn to take care of myself. Finding a babysitter for a child with ADHD is very difficult. I asked my family and friends for help. There are also local organizations that offer respite care. Check your yellow pages for counseling services. Try the Social Service agencies also. You need this time to yourself or for you and your spouse/significant other. Go out to dinner or a movie. Overburdened parents don't make happy parents.

Finally, never give up. My daughter is eighteen now. She will graduate from high school in May 2007. She has been accepted to a college. Her goal is to be a counselor and work with kids. She will probably have to be on medication for the rest of her life to control the ADHD but with maturity comes a better understanding of her behaviors and more power over them.