Lose Weight Fast with the Ultimate Diet Plan

Research studies conducted by self-proclaimed experts show with questionable certainty that when people lose weight fast, they weigh less and are happy. There are many diet plans out there, so our panel of self-proclaimed diet experts has put together the Ultimate Diet Plan to bring together the best parts of all of them. You are guaranteed to lose weight fast with this plan! Please be sure to read the whole article, because there is very important information throughout.

Instructions for the Ultimate Diet Plan:

Day One: At each meal, steam some vegetables with salt, pepper, and crushed garlic. Pour into a bowl, and then put your face over the bowl with a towel over your head to capture the steam. Inhale the steam, imagining you are eating the vegetables. Meanwhile, the steam is opening your pores, which is great for your skin. Unfortunately, your skin won't look so great by the end of this diet, so enjoy it now. Throw away the vegetables, or maybe you can give them to your hamster.

Day Two: Go to the produce section of your favorite grocery store. Go to each section of fruit and smell one piece, then put it back. Try to smell at least six before an employee notices you aren't buying anything and kicks you out.

Day Three: Congratulations, you should have lost at least four pounds by now! Celebrate by baking a nice, big baked potato and topping it with plenty of butter and sour cream. Admire it for no more than three minutes, and then give it to your husband.

Day Four: Fill a glass with water, the juice from one lemon, as much Tabasco sauce as you can stomach, and 2 tablespoons of organic maple syrup. Stir until well-mixed, and then pour on your house plants. In your starvation-induced haze, you probably forgot to water them, so this may perk them up.

Day Five: At last, it's meat day! Get a piece of paper and some crayons and draw all the animals you wish you could eat today. Go ahead and splurge...draw yourself the baked potato you almost ate on day three.

Day Six: Make a chocolate cake from scratch and give it to your family. They deserve it for putting up with your crabbiness all week. If they haven't left you by now, they must really love you. You may smell the cake while you bake it.

Repeat this cycle until you lose track of time and suddenly wake up in the hospital with a tube in your arm.

Some tips to help you fight the urge to eat:

1. Take up smoking.
2. Drink plenty of water
3. Chew sugar-free gum, but make sure you don't swallow it!
4. Brush your teeth a lot. You'll get bad breath from having nothing in your stomach for so long, so keep it as fresh as possible with some nice, minty toothpaste. Besides, who wants to eat right after brushing their teeth? Feel free to brush 10 or 15 times per day if you need to.
5. Every time you get hungry, go for a walk. You probably won't be able to do this one after day four or so.

Best of luck with the Ultimate Diet Plan! Feel free to post your progress in the comment section below, along with any survival tips you have. Once you get out of the hospital, be sure to come back and post how much weight you lost and how long you managed to keep it off before it all piled back on when you went back to your regular eating habits.