Losing a Friend to Suicide

Last year I lost a good friend to suicide and ever sense then my mind wonders about life in general. We take things for granted everyday. For example when you get really sick you plead to feel better and want things back to the way it was but when you are in good health do you really appreciate it? I know I don't. I take the little things for granted, the way my boyfriend leans over and kisses me and smiles, the way the grass looks so green in the spring and summer, the way fresh baked cookies smell, the money I get from working. What would you feel like if all of a sudden you're blind? Now you're left without sight and you cannot see that smile on his face anymore or the colors of skittles, or the green grass. Life is too precious to not enjoy every moment of it and not take it for granted.

Life without Chris isn't the same, I mean it still goes on but it's now less one heartbeat I really cared about. Appreciate those you love cause tomorrow is another day to some but it might just be the last day. Breathe in the air, lay in the grass and look up into the sky watch the clouds go by, hold your children close to you and tell them you love them a million times a day so what they'll get sick of it but at least they know how much you love them. A month after my friend Chris killed himself my grandpa Frank died of a heart attack and it really bared a lot of weight on me that I didn't go see him more often. The world doesn't give us warnings sometimes and it just starts to fall apart but if you really cherish the good times those memories will live on. I keep my heart on my sleeve and sometimes that frightens people away from me but this way I know and appreciate love. As a child my mother called me names no child should ever be called and told me I was unwanted. I promised myself I would never make someone feel that way. Time heals all wounds they say but they are fools. Time doesn't heal wounds.

People say we need to forget and move on but you never truly will… at least I won't. However it did make me open my eyes as to what I want out of life. I want to appreciate everyone I meet. I want to know people and understand things through them. I hope to change people's lives for the better, maybe learn and improve my life through them. I want to walk through the grass barefoot and smell the roses, lay under the stars and look up at the night sky and I realize I'm small compared to what's out there and I want to see as much of it as I can.

So out of all this rambling my point is life is short so do not take things for granted enjoy everything you can and appreciate those you love!