Losing a Job is Not the End But a New Beginning

For most workers, the toughest five words you can hear from your boss are: "It's just not working out..." Somehow, your boss never tells you the exact cause, but the result is still the same. Shortly after the famous five words, you are packing your desk, saying the goodbyes they will let you say and then someone is marching you out the front door.

Worse is when you think you have been successful but the words are still said and the final checks are still handed to you. You just don't know what to do at that moment.

Quite naturally, your next reaction is likely to be anger at the situation or your former employer or boss. It's a natural reaction to what is, essentially, an abnormal situation or what you feel is an abnormal situation.

If you are caught in this situation, the first thing to do is fight the urge to stand toe-to-toe with your supervisor in some conference room and have it out. Let's face it; you are not going to win. A Caesar said when he crossed the Rubicon: "The die is cast!" In this case, management has decided to launch you from your position and there's nothing you can do about it, unless you can prove some sort of discrimination or irregularity and then that will likely to take months and lawyers to resolve, things that most workers do not have access to.

Indeed, if you are like most people in this economy, you are one paycheck away from oblivion. It's not that you want to be or it's not that you are overspending your income; it's just the way costs have risen for everything from Corn Flakes to car insurance. About the only thing that never goes up to match is your pay.

So, the best thing to do if you hear the "five words" is to understand that the earth has just moved about 180 degrees off center and life, as you know it, will be changing quickly. And, while this does sound strange, your first action should be thanking your now former employer for the opportunity that you were given while you were in his employ. This does sound Walter Mittyish (famed character in the late-night movies to whom things happened and yet who worked things out...he was a nerdy type who never fit in, yet who came out on top...yes, it is fantasy, but it points out that you should be the bigger person here).

Next, start to move on immediately. Do not hide the situation from your spouse of significant other. They will likely find out quite quickly when you let it slip that your first unemployment check will be coming in a couple of weeks and that you won't be making near as much as you used to. You might try - this is a true story - the tactic one person used of not admitting you were fired to your spouse and then leaving home at the same time every day and going somewhere and then waiting the other person had left and then returning home. Eventually, this wore thin and the partner found out. The partner wasn't mad about it at all - in fact, it was a welcomed change - but it still wasn't honest.

That has to be the policy from Day One of your unemployment because you and your family, whether it's just you and your spouse or you, your spouse and your kids, are about to undergo some significant changes in lifestyle. If your kids are old enough and can get the work, they may have to take on part-time jobs to help the family cash register or if they are too young, they have to understand that the shiny new iPod that was expected for a birthday won't be there. It's more likely to be a homemade birthday cake and some cards. Yes, the iPod's cool, but it's not part of your homelife anymore.

As a family policy, it's up to everyone how to decide how to spend the money that is available and what priorities are. It's likely you'll be eating more hamburger and pasta than veal scaloppini at the local Italian bistro and it's likely your kids will be brown bagging it and not buying fancy lunches to help save.

If money is tight enough don't be afraid to ask for help. There are federal and state agencies whose sole reason for existence is to help you out in this situation. You might find that you qualify for low-cost housing or a low-cost housing program that can help save you substantially and don't be afraid to find out if you qualify for food stamps. Food stamps and other assistance is often an overlooked lifeline that you should take very seriously. The days are gone when you can buy and spend as you please; now you must budget and plan.

Budgeting and planning two keys to your future, not only because you have a very finite, and usually substantially lower, source of income and by smart budgeting and use of all resources, you can keep your life on an even keel.

Part of keeping your life on an even keel is a regular job search and finding ways of networking with others who might be in your situation. Job loss is one of those things that everyone feels somewhat ashamed about - you begin to think that you made it happen intentionally. It's okay to think that way, but, don't let it hang you up because everyone who is unemployed feels that way.

Establish and keep to a new routine that makes your job search your new job and work with not just the state unemployment people, but also other informal networks you may find. They will also help keep you on an even keel.

Whatever you do, remember that you have some grieving to do. Losing a job is just like losing an important part of your life and you have to go through the stages of grief and recovery. Working through them while you are finding a job makes victory only sweeter when you can come home from an interview and say to everyone.

"I start on Monday!!"