Losing Love

Who knew that someone like you would give me the time of day. I'm amazed that it wasn't a dream. An ordinary day, no different at all, except you. When you looked at me, I knew. A connection I have never felt with anyone. It was like we've known each other years. But there was more to that feeling, but I described it. Fate, maybe? Or soul mates? All my life I wasn't one to talk about my emotions. I felt as if I could have with you, but I didn't. I felt paralyzed. My thoughts are drowning me. Now look where it got me. My depression is depressed. But knowing you had to leave against your will helps with my suffering. Sorry to say I'm grateful for that. You were gone as soon as I got used to you being in my life. And I still think about you. I always will. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in your thoughts as well. The funny thing is that I knew something was going to kill my happiness. I've never been lucky, I know this, but I've had glimpse of what could be. It felt good in those moments. Like anything in the world was possible. For the first time in my life, I had a reason to smile. A reason to get out of bed. A reason to listen to teachers talk about nonsensical topics. Also, I had a reason to be myself. And to be alive.

Then you gave me the worst news. Part of me died at that afternoon. I thought about the possibility of staying in touch. And I know that there's was a good chance you were coming back in a few years. But, I knew you weren't. My life doesn't work that way. Even our last conversation was cut short. So, what are the odds of you coming back? I know it was meant to be. I'm tired of being optimistic, it doesn't mean a thing to me anymore. I'm tired of waiting for everything to go back the way it was. But we can't rewind time. Regret. I regret leaving everything behind. At the time, I didn't know what to do. I was scared. But now I know what I should have done differently. I should have stayed. And due to unfortunate timing, you had to move to another state. We had only been around each other for a few months and I felt like I was dying. I still am. And now, I don't think we'll ever meet again. Those were incredibly dark years for me, so I thank you for sharing some of your light. I had my issues and you had yours. And now I have new issues but I hoped yours worked out okay.