Losing Weight is so Easy, I've Done it a Thousand Times

There is a growing obesity problem in the United States, no pun intended. I have struggled with obesity all of my adult life and will probably continue this fight until I die. I have reluctantly accepted this fact and have tried to move on to bigger and better things. There I go again with that B word. Yes, bigger, oooops I said it again. We are taught in this country and this culture that "bigger is better". Get more for your buck is a must when we go out to eat. Fast food has come to mean, fast and large. Super Size it is our battle cry. We eat, we love to eat, and we grow larger and larger. While most of the world's population is underfed or even starving we in the U.S A. are having to hire tow-trucks to pull us away from the table.

I am not preaching at you, trust me. I am a member of the proverbial "Clean Plate Club" too. Remember when you were growing up and you were told to clean your plate because there were people starving to death in China? I was told that. I got bigger and wider and the kids in China that were supposed to be starving probably did regardless of my 'plate licking' tendencies.One clean plate here and one obese child hardly saved anyone's life, I'm sure. Children starved then and they continue to starve now and eating as much as you can will not help. It will however make your life harder, more uncomfortable and may make your life end sooner.

What makes me such an expert on the subject, you ask? I have been on every diet that has ever existed to man. I have eaten eggs until I grew feathers and cackled. I ate so much grapefruit that my lips are still in a permanent pucker. I have drank water to the point that I know the locations of all of the clean public restrooms and a few not so clean, in the state. Yes, water does flush the toxins out, along with everything else in your kidneys. I have been folded, stapled and mutilated all for the sake of being thin and feeling like a so called 'normal' person. I have lost and regained and lost and regained weight so many times that I can actually be in a crowd all by myself if you count all of the weight I have lost as extra people. There should be some kind of 'Law of the Universe' which states that "for every pound you lose, you must gain three pounds back and twice as fast as it took for you to lose it in the first place."

Have you ever noticed that you never seem to be really hungry until you start a diet? When you diet you somehow become afraid that French-fries and chocolate might cease to exist while you are attempting to lose weight. Smells become devine, and you wouldn't trade a sniff from that fried chicken place on the corner for all of the 'Chanel' perfume in the world. Heady stuff that chicken smell! Not to be outdone however, is the cruel way that fate invites you to every picnic or party on Earth while you are counting calories. You can't pass up that piece of chocolate Birthday cake at your cousin Erma's house because if you do, Erma will never forgive you. You might actually become slimmer than she is and then you will be sorry. Eat up!

Seriously though, I have been on liquid diets where all that you drink for months is Protein shakes. You know the ones where they hand you a recipe book that they charge you $20 and then claim that if you mix your package of vanilla protein powder with ice and cream soda it will taste just like steak. Yumm! While on this 'shake' regime I used to dream about the taste of peanut butter and the feel of hot French bread in my mouth.

I had Gastric By-Pass surgery seven years ago. I lost weight almost immediately and in great quantities. The thing about the surgery that didn't get fixed though was my love for eating. They stapled my stomach but they left the 'munchies' in there. Don't let anyone fool you, about this surgery. You still love ice cream just as much as you ever did before and it still goes down pretty smooth. I am still slimmer than I was seven years ago but I will never be the svelte, sexy woman that I have always envisioned. My bones still suffer from the weight that I piled upon them so many years. Now that I am older, things don't hang in quite the same place that they did when I was younger. 'Losing weight means never having to wear a bikini.' Say wasn't there a movie with that title in the 60's?

I do have one tried and true solution for losing weight and keeping it off though. You will never desire another piece of apple pie or want to eat another Christmas cookie. I have learned to like myself the way I am. My family loves me and my friends think I'm OK. I can even type on my computer and none judges the way I look. I am mostly at peace with myself and my warm, soft, squishiness. I may wear sweats instead of a bikini, but I am not ready for that ultimate solution to weight loss yet. I am not ready to Die. Life is so much more worth living, even if you do it Super-Size!