Lost Within

So lost, bed ridden with thought.
Trapped within my head, caged, iron-wrought.
Defecating words onto this page
Pain wrapped, around so many years.
Solace found, within my tears
Hard to act like I'm okay
Holding within, all my rage.
Having to watch, all I do and all I say.
Translucent thoughts around my head sway
My light grows dimmer and dimmer, each and every day.
Hard moments come within,
Pain,
Hurt,
What am I to do now?
Trying to shake off this disaster,
Where is my happily ever after?
Does it still exist?
Or am I going to be left with this?
Want to be mad,
Want to scream,
Want to shout,
What else do you want?
What else do I have to give?
So lost,
Ridden with all these thoughts,
Wondering where am I going to turn to,
Trapped within this mindset,
Trapped within,
Want to scream it out,
Want to twist it about,
Pain from the past coming to the surface,
Thought you were the answer,
But it seems I am still lost within,
Tears just come,
Tears just come,
Come again,
Not wanting to deal,
Being careful what I say,
Pretending to be happy,
In each and every way,
Most do not know,
The pain that I face,
The pain that is deep,
Within my masked face,
Trying to keep going,
Trying to make it last,
Trying to make it through,
But I don't know,
Don't know how much longer I can last,
Last through this,
I just want to give it up,
Give it in,
But I love so much,
Love so hard,
Can I keep it going?
Am I truly fading?
Where am I to go?
Where am I to go from here?
From this place,
This moment,
This time,
I just want to feel,
Feel the love,
Feel it again,
Not this,
Not this,
Anything but this,
Please,
Please,
Please show me,
Before it's too late.