Love, is it You?

Love is one thing that is not to be played with. I am still a young man but my experiences with love so far are unbelievable. I was raised to be a respectable young man and to treat women right in and out of relationships. I was raised to be loyal to them also, always keeping their (and mine) best interest at heart. I've exercised these teachings pretty well in my opinion but somehow always ended up with the short end of the stick. It has gotten to a point that when I think of the possibility of loving someone again I resist it and go on to something else. Everybody needs to be loved right? I think so but why must we go through so much to find "True Love"? Everyone says yea, you'll find the right one soon enough. Is there really hope in that statement? Is love really worth it?

After my recent break up from the greatest love I've ever had, I realized no matter how much you love and care for someone that doesn't mean that they feel the same way about you. Love doesn't protect you from being hurt either. I decided to stop loving and end the search when it came to relationships. I just wanted to relax and taking time for me. After all love will still be there when I'm ready right? During this "me time" I began thinking things over and ran into this situation. I knew a certain someone for a number of years and we've always had a thing for each other but it never went farther than close friends. The situation got so intense to me I was up late the other night and wrote a note. Take a look:

- I'm sitting here @ 2:51 am thinking about her. This is the person that I am "not sure" about. I knew "you" for a number of years and ever since then there was a vibe in between us that was unbelievable to me. I grew strong feelings for her after a while of talking and wondered what it would be like to be with her but I never pursued her because she played too many games with me. Recently she did tell me that she was afraid to come to me because she knew I'd treat her right but am I to believe that? Hmmm...I really don't know. She is showing signs through other people that she really loves me and wants to be with me but is it real? Could this just be an attempt to fulfill a fantasy that we shared for years or does she really want my heart for her own? I've fell in love with another since she let me slip away but all the while she still lingered in my thoughts. Does that mean anything? Somehow we fight and stop talking to each other but always find our way back close to each other...are we better as friends or should I take the step and give her a shot? She is really trying to plead her case and let me know she is serious about me and as much as I brush it off my feelings for her are beginning to go deeper and reach the point to where they were before and before they were oh so strong. There is also the ex who approaches me and tells me that he wants me to have her if anybody but at the same time he is in love with her...my mind is so cloudy right now and I don't know what to do. I was hurt too many times before and I'm tired of being hurt. I want to be able to find that one and live through the happy and the sad. I want to love freely!!!! Is that possible? I have no trust in me for anyone but yet she doesn't care she just wants me. I hear things about her from time to time that are not so pleasant but GOD sees the best in us when everyone else around us looks for the worst so why can't I look for the best? Does that mean I'd act like there is no wrong that can come out of her? No...I'm not stupid. I would be willing to be with someone but I'd cut them off ASAP!!! I am not for no bull. Life is too short and I want to enjoy my life. I just don't know what to do. I asked the lord himself for a sign...I need it because my heart is involved. I just want to be happy. I also want to know if she can deal with the new me because when it comes to relationships I will never be the same. These are just a few things that are running through my mind right about now. Well, heaven only knows right?

Confused is not the word! Matters concerning love are very important and the heart is not to be played with. Relationships are serious so who knows what can come out of any decision I make. The main question on my mind right now is Should I or Should I not? I don't know what I should do but I know I must make my choice wisely. Why must love be so complicating? Why must finding relationships worth my time be so hard? Could she be the love I've been searching for or should my heart long for another? She continually asks me to give a relationship with her a try but I tell her I don't know if that is a step I want to take. Should I give that relationship a chance or just leave things as they are? Do I have anything to lose? No. I just don't know what to do. Relationship or Friendship? Time will only tell what decision will be the right one to make.