Love Don't Cost a Thing (or Does It?)

I write this article for several reasons; to serve as an expose` of some fraudulent tactics some of these dating sites (both on line and in hard print) use to get you to upgrade or become a paying member rather quickly or before you are ready! Some information or advice may seem obvious to some but if it helps at least one person avoid the scams and frauds out there then this article will have served its purpose.

Also to alert you to some that use very invasive and viral software to recruit using your address book!

Over the years I've seen a definite rise in dating sites that deliberately send fake flirts, winks, or emails to free members and in order to read those emails or respond to the flirts you are sent (and seemingly almost as soon as you sign up) you have to pay! But then, for some reason, that initial interest in general seems to ebb and wan! There are reasons for that and you may have your own suspicions or know of these already.

The basic motive behind such tactics is to force you to upgrade and become a paying member whether you are ready or not, and, in the world of commerce, not an unknown tactic - business-as-usual. Personally, I like to check out these sites first in order to get a feel before making such a commitment; is it really compatible with my needs or its potentials for matching what I'm looking for? All very common but important questions.

But if those emails or flirts or winks are not real and something the web owners sent then it becomes devious, unethical, fraudulent and subject to criminal prosecution in any court of law.

All are different but, beware - some sites create these bogus emails and flirts soon after you just created your profile; in general, with a free membership they limit you to being able to respond to emails you might get - in order to get you to upgrade and pay for the ability to read or respond' to these. More and more this is happening and considered just business as usual. But, if those emails you suddenly get or flirts or winks right after signing up...well be very cautious.

Also, they may list one price to upgrade or subscribe but when you start paying and reveal your payment info the price is higher and is called office or documentation fees, etc to sign you up. That is a big flag and totally legal but why AFTER you began paying did you first hear of it? In most cases (not all) they are likely only in this for as much money as they can squeeze out of you! You maybe able to cancel the transaction at this stage and worth a try but if you feel ok with it then proceed but keep on the lookout for more such underhanded and unethical tricks or out right fraud!

So, you now have signed up in order to read these emails and respond to several flirts you have received so soon after signing up and email those you like. If you keep in mind the following you can determine if you are being set up and save yourself losing even more money or worse!

I've had some of these sites reveal their fraudulent tactics only when some of these respondents never respond back and I called them on it with evidencial proof I acquired over time.

When they don't respond at all - its strange and irrational especially if they initiated the contact and spouted many passionate compliments on your profile, pic, etc and then not respond after you do is especially suspect if you had to upgrade in order to do so. Too much of a coincidence.

Something should start to smell fishy after a few of these within a short period of signing up.

I think its high time that someone expose these sites for the fraudulent methods they are using in getting you to pay/upgrade or renew under false pretenses.

In my dealings with some of these sites I have found this out and threatened to expose them if they didn't give me my money back. Some offered me a free membership with full benefits and a few did refund my money back. Others denied it and I had to let them know of my experience with such along with hard evidence from other members (which I'll explain how to do later) and then they relented and offered me my money back, partial refund or a free membership. I rarely take a membership, free or otherwise, after the fact, from a website that sends you fraudulent emails or flirts. Really! What's the point?

They've already admitted complicity and fraud and there is no reason not to expect more of the same. Either way, my trust in them is pretty well shot and I just say no but place them on my black list or DNC (Do Not Contact!) Likely they are losing business because word has gotten out and they do NOT get subscribers and are desperate and breaking the law is not beneath them. Being found out is something they never expect from the average member! Which is another reason this can go on for years and years by these dating sites because the members never catch on that they have been (or are being) duped and continue paying every month hoping that the initial rush of interest will happen again.

Another indicator, if these websites are forwarding fraudulent emails or even just flirts, is when you keep emailing these people back and they don't respond at all. Then these companies are caught red-handed! Very unlikely will you find another truly interested genuine member go from hot to cold in a matter of days or even hours!

So, step back, separate from any emotions and look at the facts if something is not right! They won't keep responding or feel no inclination to if they are frauds pretending to be an interested and potential suitor especially after you paid! After all, it was only designed to get you to enroll and pay. If you cancel because you suspect this and later receive the same rush of hot interest and you pay another month then smell the coffee -- er fish! You are being conned, scammed, defrauded and/or lied to.

If these are legitimate flirts or emails, the guys will at least respond and explain why they flirted or emailed and didn't respond back to you. No other reactions (other then not any) or they say they never flirted' with you to begin with and couldn't understand why you say they had. (These are to be saved! Printed! Copied.)

Or they give excuses why they suddenly no longer have any interest in you (the latter only if they are legit has yet to happen to me). Also, some members will actually tell you they NEVER emailed or flirted or 'winked' at you! Keep their handles and make copies of their emails to this effect. Its your proof and get it from all who responded denying they ever contacted you. It means the website owners did the contacting under questionable motives. Create a file for each site complete with printed out and saved emails from those members. Chats too if they apply.

There are some members who actually refuse or cannot pay a membership fee and can only use the flir' or wink features - for whatever reason. Still, I would be wary of this as well. They really can't read your emails and keep flirting with you in order to get your private email! Or, possibly, it's the web owners, playing tricks again. Also, keep in mind, that serious members will not resort to such tricks and it doesn't take days to respond to you.

As far as I'm concerned, something is rotten in Denmark here as well. If they can't afford a membership then do you really want to get connected with them? A lot of people are hurting economically and a few are on these sites looking for those who aren't. And, if their profile show their income is stable or they refuse to post it -- well, just a word of caution.

There may actually be real members who are paid or given free profiles to set up a fake profile. Or they are web owners pretending to be an interested member and make direct contact with you but although the interest is there initially it later cools for no reason -- may actually be one of these or a shill. Also fraudulent and those people would also be liable for their complicity and subject to criminal charges as well.

With enough proof I generally go after the company and demand my money back or I will report them to the appropriate authorities and most react in the positive, as they don't want their cash cow to be stopped, exposed or interrupted.

Another thing to keep in mind, these guys that are genuine are not on site to play games (at least not the criminal kind) and want to make a real connection and will respond to your emails or flirts and should, subsequently, honor any boundaries you set, etc. and are basically a match to what you are looking for.

Chat Features and Abuses

Those who only want to use that website's Chat feature I would be careful of as well and keep in mind any emotional rushes they may throw at you or demand for more direct contact or info. Also, on Chat anything goes! And unless you make an effort to remember to save contents of the chat its not automatically done on most of these sites. So if you need to save for evidence later do a Copy and Paste to your hardrive as well as their save feature on Chat. If you use their saving features it maybe enough. I usually do both - just to be safe.

So, if you are going to be using any dating sites be aware of the signs of fake or fraudulent emails or flirts/winks. I'm still trying to find the authorities, agencies that these sites should be answerable to.

You may never come across anything remotely like these tactics but it is better to be aware of signs of such rather then be caught totally off guard. Or worse, never have a clue until its past too late!

People get on these sites all the time pretending to be someone they are not for devious reasons. The odds are it may happen to you at some point if you become a member or you suspect you may already have experienced such before. Either way, being knowledgeable in the complicities abounding is the smart thing to do. I'm not claiming to be a know it all but perhaps you can learn from my mistakes instead of experiencing it up close and personal. Your choice!

So, what other signs, bells or flags should you look for in order to tell if you are being ripped off or tapped for a scam?

In my experience, there are new and growing criminal cartels who create more intricate, clever and insidious scams every day that directly target your bank account, personal IDs, etc. and not above using your emotions against you in order to succeed! These dating sites are targeted as well as the growing proliferation of social networks.

Especially in these days of economic hard ships and challenges here and worldwide no one can claim to be untouchable! Using your emotions against you and rushing are primary warning bells but not difficult to spot if you are made aware.

First of all be aware that some of these profiles are posted by real people but are only looking for your personal email address, phone #, etc. in order to solicit you directly away from the website's prying eyes. And believe me, like slaughtering a hog (financially "fat" Americans) they go after every thing! Believe it!

Think about this; if they jump on your profile almost instantly after you first sign up its a sure sign of desperation in the least and something else possibly worse- at the most! Rationally, who is waiting for you to sign on after completing your profile that quickly? What are the odds? Only people that can set things up that fast - are the website owners! Of course, not always but more then likely.

NO ONE is going to fall for you when you FIRST sign in that is a genuine member looking for romance and nothing else! Something more contrary/dubious is going on.

Do not let anyone rush at you and demand to connect with you on their terms! Especially, if they have very little or nothing in common with what you are seeking or worse they are claiming you are perfect when you can plainly see they are not! Or their profile says ask me or lets save something to talk about.

Don't buy it. Rarely will someone have a legitimate and good reason to be so covert. That is the whole point of a profile 'to see if they share even the basics of what you are seeking in a potential date/mate! And who is that busy they can't fill out a basic profile?? Red flag these - block and move on. Don't waste your precious time.

Its possible that they may not be very good at writing about themselves or reluctant to share too much private info. Is there a picture? What are they hiding? What are they afraid of? Then what are they DOING on this site at all?!

I had one guy send me to a website where he said he was "Jewish" yet the picture shows him looking very Asian!

Of course, there maybe Asian looking Jewish guys but he never indicated it! Needless to say I blocked him!

Oh, and be wary of being sent links or directions to websites where they may beg you to go or say that's where you can find out more or get more pictures of them. Especially, if these sites demand you first sign up and give personal information or even to pay! Its likely a marketer for the site or it's a scam! (I knew what to look for and there was none of that but another time I too fell victim. More about that later.)

Also, one of the tricks of website owners is to get you to sign up by submitting your email address for 'contacts. What they are really up to is they have a software (viral) program that hacks into your address book attached to that email address you signed up under. And they may not even tell you that much! Just be forewarned. If you've gotten an email from a friend that invited you to view their pics, etc. - it was likely a viral hack job into your friends address book.

When you suddenly have friends and associates from your Contacts/Address Book demanding or angrily asking you why are you sending them links to this type of site know you had a virus hack your email account and your password is probably compromised as well as your friendships! Its very daunting to deal with such when this happens and each situation requires a different approach depending on how the site got your information to begin with.

Yahoo Free Account?

I can offer you one little trick to use if you have any free Yahoo accounts which may alleviate or stall this. It all depends.

Go to your Yahoo "Contacts" and add a new email address. But instead of typing anything in the "email address" box fill in the Nickname box with a dollar sign first, then zeros and a dot then a few more zeros but start off with a dollar sign then zeros. Click "Save". It seems to thwart or confuse the viruses from copying your contacts after hacking in and can't get past the dollar sign which (if you did it right) goes right to the top. Now at the head of your contacts is a dollar sign and then zeros. However, these viruses can go to other places in your account. If you find that your friends are accusing you then I would immediately make these changes and also change your password. You may research other sites like Gmail or Hotmail to see if this can be applied on your own. Worth a shot.

Another way is that their grammar and command of the English language leaves you wondering what their smoking, drinking or shooting up! It could just be writing under the influence but I would let this be a major alarm to keep a respectful distance from these people by just responding only within the website. And if they respond back and the grammar is still poor then chances are they are part of the foreign scam cartels and are to be avoided at all costs -unless you are looking for trouble or excitement. Or both!

It goes without saying that if they begin proclaiming they are in love with you, that you must meet quickly or ask for your phone, etc. after only a few emails and or flirts - look out! They are probably scammers or at the least can't afford a subscription and can only send flirts hoping you'll send them your email address so they can contact you directly. Be wary! I can't stress enough how posting profiles on these sites or similar ones makes you a bulls eye target for fraud, abuse and criminal activity. Being warned and forearmed is key.

Some may feel this is ridiculous to have to write such a warning but you would be surprised at how many people are naive or not aware of this very insidious type of scamming from well organized foreign cartels or just the pro who works alone. This is especially for those people who are signed up on these types of websites or thinking of doing it! It's only a matter of time when this information may come in handy! And with the proliferation of social networking sites like Facebook you may already be in the line of fire.

These cartel types are highly motivated and will convince you they are very, very in to you but you must help them and give out your private email address or phone - then of course they are scammers. Asian, African or Russian digital bandits are just a few of the major countries now getting organized and post fake profiles solely for the purposes of farming for your private information and, like vultures, very soon after you post your profile they are on you so fast your head will swim! And no romance or dating site is completely immune! All sites of all categories; sexual orientation, lifestyles, age-based or wealthy types are vulnerable to these cartels or lone wolves.

These cartels are after anything they can get their hands on; email addresses at the least and, at the most, your finances and everything in between they can use! I had this happen to me years ago and he was very, very good at convincing me to part with cc information! I had to tell him though that it was no good, had very little money on it and didn't hear from him again.

Which is another means to protect your self if they DO convince you they need help- give a low balance disposable or no longer valid credit card or debit and see how things change really quick! But, I wouldn't play with these types - you never know what they are capable of especially if you have already given out your personal contact info. They are highly persuasive and in order to protect yourself keep one thought in mind at all times - take your time in getting to know anyone and everyone that contacts you or that you contact!

No matter how much they say you are perfect, their soul mate or what they have been looking for all their lives 'bells should be going off (but not the wedding kind)! Digital dating sites are too impersonal to elicit that kind of rhetoric and although we have all heard stories of such that resulted in marriage its extremely unlikely so quickly even at its best!

Say you have all the time in the world and in no hurry why are THEY??? Where's the blanking fire!?? Make sure you post that in your profile as well. It may defray some of the cartel or users but those that do will go after you in spite of the clear posting in your profile that you are in no hurry, not desperate and a big red flag they deliberately ignored!

These types are very desperate or just didn't bother reading your profile!

Ask them bluntly if they are scammers? That you have heard of these types and are on your guard! If they are scammers this ALONE puts them off and catches many off guard and possibly diminishes their element of surprise and subterfuge. Ask them questions and try to get info on them! This is psychologically nor strategically something they can work against easily! Steer them away from emotions and go after hard facts! This is the last thing they want as most scammers only work on the element of emotional rushes they know how to create very well and if you are slow to play along they pretty much know that element is lost for what they are after. They usually won't bother wasting any more of their time if they are part of these cartels or a lone wolf and move on to those who are clueless or unawares - much easier targets.

Once you determine that this is indeed one of the foreign scam cartels then cut them off! If your gut feelings are telling you something about this person isn't right or you're feeling rushed to connect directly with them report them or block if you can. Don't give them the time of day and if you can't block then notify the web master or customer service which profile member is doing the harassment. Chances are the website will already have posted a general warning against these scamming cartels already and most ask you to report them directly to the webmaster or customer service department for the general protection of their members.

The aforementioned is the most obvious scammers, the others are more subtle or work alone and if they have actually honed their craft can sound genuine but they almost always give themselves away by pushing or demanding your private or direct info and using your ego/emotions to get it! Again, take the control from them and make your own demands.

The websites that are indeed forwarding you fake emails or flirts are more organized and a bit harder to determine but time and lack of response to what seems a genuine interest is a red flag indicator. Just be aware of these points and you can avoid problems.

Say, they send you both a flirt (I'm interested in you!) and an email saying how much they loved your profile and yet when you respond with an email and they don't respond at all or with a brief or fleeting flirt then something is definitely wrong!

You might think, oh these guys just changed their minds, playing the field or found someone else! And that could be the case but not when it happens with three or more members! Or within only a matter of days of first signing up as a free member!

Also, know that in these fake profiles you maybe dealing with someone not even remotely portrayed on the site - thinking you are dealing with a woman when its really some guy in a foreign country using bad English! Or vice versa! Years ago there were members using legitimate pics of real people but were foreign cartels who copy pictures of Americans and use them as they wish to initiate a fraud or scam!

Just for arguments sake this could be happening on dating sites for the guys as well but not sure but more then likely and well worth mentioning. I've heard that men are massively targeted and constantly sent links to hot sites where cc info is definitely the bottom line. I would strongly suggest to any males out there on the hunt do follow some of these suggestions if you must go to those sites to off set losing valid bank funds via debit or credit cards by using disposable ones with less then $25 available. It happens all the time. Scammers in organized gangs have stolen thousands from their victims who, some of them, later committed suicide! So, they start with the money and then IDs, culling email addresses, etc if not enough! Be smart about this!

The most effective and direct way to deal with no responders after such declarations of interest/love is to write them back and inquire if they sent the email or flirt or not? That you are concerned because you responded to THEIR email and they didn't! Most should respond back that they found someone or were too busy, etc. But if you get nothing, nada, zip then chances are good (from 3 or more out of many responses) that the website forwarded to you fraudulent emails in order to get your money to upgrade or renew! And don't forget ask if they actually contacted you at all! And save those responses for evidence. If they are legitimate members they'll respond sooner or later.

Also, these cartels actively create new scams and tricks daily to get your money! Just be wary and never allow your self to be rushed or get emotionally attached until you are comfortable.

I give them a few days but no more. And send follow up emails just to be sure but you should cancel all further attempts to charge you (especially if on Auto Renewal). Some websites do this! Some will even change your status back to Auto Renew! Check often if you remain but try to stay in control of access to your payment info.

There is more -believe it or not some will do a piggy-back charge on top of the posted amount for one month, etc. but instead of monthly they charge your cc forl 3 to 6 months even though you only wanted one. ! I can't tell you how often I've heard complaints that this has happened to people of both genders.

You can take these people to task and report them to the online agencies or the BBB if there is an address to forward, which isn't likely but you never know.

You can also report them to your cc company and report the charge as a fraud and your bank or company may encourage you to cancel your cc or report it stolen. Be prepared for that but never use a cc/debit that is one you hold as very important or linked to your bank account(s)!! Never! Never! Never!

Instead use the debit cards that you can easily get from Walgreen's, CVS or Wal-Mart where you only put so much on per month and can easily cancel and replace for a small fee. Also, know that some websites are now refusing debit cards. (I wonder why?)

Now, back to the website with fake or shill suitors - gather all the evidence you can, print out the emails from both sides and keep for your bank as hard evidence to further support your claims of fraud as some banks may question such claims and reject or label your complaint or report as merely buyers remorse with out it. Remember, the financial institutions are not set up to protect you but to honor and support payments to companies.

The debit cards maybe harder to prove, so be prepared to 'absorb' the loss- a lesson learned and paid for and not soon forgot.

You may feel compelled to report them to any of the rip off websites where bad business experiences or losses can be posted as warnings to others. They are plentiful but you will have to become a member and be aware that they will post your complaint and your post will stay for the duration of the site and can be found easily in searches on that company or site for years later.

So, the best thing to do, in the beginning, is to do the research on the dating site first -due diligence- in order to find one that has not garnered this type of unethical, negative or fraudulent behavior or rep to their customers; although not being found in these websites may not be a cause to trust them! And too look thru the BBB for them in their particular state if that info can be found.

Don't know their address or city? Not good. This is another indicator they are walling themselves from possible complaints or requests for refunds and should have been determined long before you signed up. No direct or working contact info? Don't bother - save your self the grief! They are 'hiding' for a reason!

One way is to look up the domain host (good to do before signing up if nothing negative is showing up in Search) by going to websites that offer domains, hosting and such that allow you to do a "WhoIs" on any website. By looking thru WhoIs you can find out who owns any domain on the net. You simply put their website name in the search box, and the .com or net in a separate box, hit enter and it will respond back that this domain is already taken and likely will offer you the ability to access who does own the website. Click that link and copy/paste what comes up and save in the file under this company with the rest of the info you are gathering. Also, this tells you how transparent or hidden they are, possibly companies who specialize in this, behind a front agency or monitor with no direct contact with the company, address, phone number or even email! This definitely is an indicator they maybe hiding for a reason!

If the company has a customer service or phone # (call several times until you get a live person. If not then is only a voice mail) where you can contact them during business hours directly and ask for the information that maybe missing or just to confirm they are reachable. Now if the domain hunt doesn't work they may not want to give out that information for reasons unknown. Be aware that even if you find addresses or phone #s they may not be working, out of date or no longer valid and their "customer service" department may only be a facade. But better to find out now then later when you really have an urgent need.

In these times of hardship and economic tribulations looking for love can cost you more then a broken heart! Just be aware that people do whatever they can to survive even resorting to fraud targeting those very vulnerable and potentially easy to fool everyday people merely looking for love!

The best thing to do before signing up is do your due diligence on all dating sites you are considering which is the best that you can do but still may not be enough. Or you may not find anything and still have something negative happen!

Using Search Engines for Contact Info

In order to do this effectively, you first type in the name of the dating site in any good search engine, followed by a comma and the words, scam, comma and fraud, comma. The commas behind each word will bring up only those sites or links that carry the site in question and any scam or fraud linked with it. Now hit enter. You should get enough info on certain sites to choke a horse and thereby avoid like the plague! Your choice.

Lastly be aware of those sites that use viral programs to send marketing email to ALL your contacts listed on that email address and not necessarily with your knowledge or permission! Although some may ask first and offer a cool enticement of some kind but be prepared for any fall out.

Some offer this strictly as an upgrade feature, others are offering to free members! Be careful! When you start getting complaints from your friends, associates or family members about emails they think came from you and trying to do damage control maybe a bit daunting after the fact.

Finding love is hard enough in this world without people taking advantage, abusing and/or defrauding you.

Do the search as suggested before you even sign up! Good luck!

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