Love and Independence

I have always been independent. I may not always come out as a decision maker in most situations of my life. I may not raise my mind all the time in all subjects at hand and yet I can still say that I have "my own mind" to start with. I know what I want. My heart knows where it belongs.

Yes, even as a child I strive not to lose myself. Even if I seem to hide behind the shadow of somebody else's dream I strive to make it my own. This is not an easy task. Most of the time I fought against my heart trying really hard to convince such a stubborn one to mold a borrowed dream. And most of the time I win against these type of battles. A silent win. Now, even if others perceive that I have not realized my fullest potential I know that when my mind and heart is made up that is the epitome of my dream.

It has never been simple to retain my personality amid the influence of some dominant people in authority. Apparently, all aggressiveness is met with an iron hand that effortlessly put me in a so-called proper place. So as much as my heart is jumping for every opportunity to show the world what an asset God has made me I seldom get the support from these key individuals around me. They always think otherwise. They always see a different route than the one I have chosen. I, in turn, always decide to make it my own win. I refuse to give in. I refuse to accept failure and fall prey to depression. I continue to fight. I strive to find my niche in this vast universe. When one day, I found this river so gay on its own. There is nothing that hinders it to flow. No amount of natural disasters nor big and heavy boulders can impede its steady pulse. I felt I am one with the river. I am quietly living my life, striving to maintain the tranquility of my heart, however, the boulders of parental coercions tend to impede my serenity. It was then that my heart decided to stay where it felt at home: the Agusan River. Safe and secure, free as a bird, my heart has chosen the peaceful Agusan river as its haven of gold. And finally, I left my heart in this river because this is where my beloved grew and bathe almost forever.

Love. I can almost taste it along with my meals. I can almost touch it with the strength of my will. I refuse to let go of true love simply because of its rarity in this world. You see, when my whole external world is in turmoil I am enveloped with the warmth of my ever scatheless heart in the embrace of my love. As long as the Agusan river joyously flows day by day without fail there is no worry. My mind may be pressured, my body may be dead tired from work yet deep within, my heart has always rejoiced for finding my beloved. I am more overjoyed for the fact that he did found me as well. Joy suffuses my life with love.

There are no regrets. I am certain that God meant for me to leave my heart in that river some million miles away from me. Right here, right now living in this remote island far away from my heart I remain true. I remain faithful to the fact that I exercised my independence. I have chosen, I have decided and I stand by my decision to leave my heart in the Agusan river simply because I loved and was reciprocated. It is amazing to be cherished in the same quality and the same intensity as you do and sometimes even better.