Loved with No Return

It started out as a simple meet of page words and no face on Blackplanet.com. He stated he was 25 and his interests seem so real. I was 30 at the time so 25 was not a bad age at all, as long as he keeps asking me key seem of interest questions. We started to have conversation day after day, long lengths of time. I was really feeling him. He started to come by at 4:00 in the morning but it was nothing sexual about his visits. He would lie beside me and cuddle. O my, everything I had ever dreamed. He told me he was the CEO of his own Company, fallen but up and coming rap artist with a vision that would change the street prospective. So you know I am in awe, I can see that he definitely has the potential. Then I get the 7 pink roses on the door step, the flowers came at least three times and 2 cards. He's really interested, o my. He was the one; he wanted to know who I was, what were my past hurt, present expectations, and my future needs and wants. He tells me that my dream of having a child will come, that he only has one daughter and still has the dream of a son; he was the one. This is my husband, so I think. Time passes, as we continue to do dinners and he tell me his dreams, hopes, and wishes, but then I noticed everything turned out to be iffy and he was more so complaining then putting forth action . He wanted me to obtain health insurance for him, find him a job, and buy the time he was spending with me. He would say He was missing out on money coming to see me. He was a Street Pharmacists, 23yrs old, and not wanting any kids other than the daughter he had, whom in 9 months of dating, I never met. After seeing pictures of her and hearing him talk about her so much, I could tell he loved her, but what about me? I found out I had been lied to about who he was altogether after becoming pregnant with his firm decision of abortion. God blocked that though and took the baby at 8weeks instead. I didn't find out the baby had passed until I had totaled my 2002 Alero on I-285 Feb 01, 2008. He didn't care, he never came to the hospital when called nor did he come to the house to take care of me after having to have surgery to remove the child. I loved this man with no return. It took me nine months of questions, assumptions, wonder, holding on, and trying to find ways to not accept what I already knew from the moment of meeting him. He was not for me. I loved with no return...
This is how it all begins, July 25, 2007, where I was so desperate in need of love. Yes, I admit it, I was seeking real true love, and therefore I became open to the first man who seems to be genuine. A lot of us make this mistake. Therefore, I was online and I was going through page after page looking to see if I could find someone smart enough, handsome enough, godly enough, and most of all, "real" enough to come into my world. After all, I had just gotten upon my feet by 6 months in the game since moving to Georgia. I didn't need someone who was going to bring me right back to where I just started from even if I was desperate for love. I needed that man to hold equal partnership. I needed help to bring something to the table. So, I am online and becoming very discouraged until this one particular message comes through, at 7:29 pm," you look good Ms. Lady," that was different, this was the first time I had heard someone use that phrase. So I go and look at the page which had no picture but his writing seemed so real and straight forward. Ok, ok, so he was in at that moment. His page read, what's up too all the woman who are on BP! I appreciate u stopping by my page and seeing what I got to offer. As u can see I'm stay-focused because that's all I try to do every day, stay-focused! No, I don't have a picture on my page or some of that stupid (blank) my so called competition be putting on their page, but it is no problem too send u one. I do me and I feel like I don't need to show or even tell what it is I got or how I live, if u are a real woman like u suppose to be forget how many times u say it, u will respect it! I think way different from my competitors; I am a person who is going somewhere so therefore I try to surround myself around positive people. I stay too myself and I am independent. Now I know u like" all these niggs say the same thing" and u are right, I absolutely agree but here is where u try to treat the situation like a pair of dice, go on and roll'em baby. This 07 baby, we made it, all women stay focused and beautiful inside and out, don't let nobody tell u different.
Whatever you women want to talk about feel free to drop a note, everybody needs someone to talk to, even you woman who got a man. It doesn't matter as long as you are a real person! Halla at me, if u invest, I am a investor.
Now with looking back on what he said in his message it was real and had I been put up on game I would have been able to point out the key answers to my questions of why I loved with no return. If you look closely to what he wrote, it was evident that this man was a gambler with life and relationships, key quote, "now I know u like" all these niggs say the same thing" and u are right, I absolutely agree but here is where u try to treat the situation like a pair of dice, go on and roll'em baby. In reading back as well, another key answer to knowing this man was not ready to be committed, "everybody needs someone to talk to, even you woman who got a man. It doesn't matter as long as you are a real person!" Third quote to tell he was in the game of using if you gave him the chance,"Halla at me, if u invest, I am a investor. These were three key signs that stuck out to tell me to stay away but I chose to ignore. I could go all day on pointers in his personal note that will give you 100% knowledge of things I should have known. If I had my eyes and ears open instead of my lonely heart, I would have avoided this whole situation which has caused me so much pain.
So I then write back and let him know I was interested and wanted that picture he said he could give. He writes back and says, "Maybe we can get to know each other better if possible. I am a very respectful man who has a daughter, she is 4 years old. I am not on here looking for no woman or woman to try and do something with, just a friend who can understand me as a person. If interested halla at me!! Stay cute! That was the winning note but had I had my game radar up, I would have seen all these signs, all I had to do were look and listen. I ignored the key answers. The way he truly got in was when he asked," do you like to eat? I appreciate you getting back to me. I like to site see and do things that make me happy like a movie or the park to get a peace of mind, if I ever have time to do that!! What about you? Do you like to read? What interest you? This was the kicker; he was fattening and buttering me up, all at the same time. So then I write
Do I like eat??? Did you see the thickness on my page? I love to eat, good quality food. I like the movies and walks in the park. I will write poetry in a minute or read books. We might end in being real good friends after all, good conversation and no pressure interest me. He got me now, and finally he writes, okay sounds good! Maybe in due time we can grab something to eat of course after the whole process of meeting each other is over. I would love to be a good friend of yours, if you allow me to be. Are you the only one or do you have brothers or sisters? Who do you admire? If it could be one place where you could go, where would it be and what would you do? There it is, He's all up in my business, getting all my info, and I let him because I responded with giving him my number and that's how we became partners.