Low Self-Esteem: How it Can Ruin Your Marriage by Killing Communication

Low self-esteem can have a distastrous impact on a marriage. When one partner has a poor self-image, she will often stop communicating to her spouse. When problems arise in the relationship, resolutions are practically impossible to achieve as both partners are unable to discuss the matter. This lack of communication can turn a happy marriage into one of resentment.

A partner with low self-esteem will often become frustrated with her spouse because she feels he doesn't understand and support her. Further, her spouse becomes frustrated since he cannot understand the issue as it has not been communicated to him. When this happens, resentment grows in the marriage. In a relationship that lacks discussion, resentment grows like a virus.

Marriages in which spouses don't communicate are plagued with issues. But, why does low self-esteem typically result in lack of communcation between marriage partners? People with low self-esteem often make issues personal. That is, they internalize them, thinking that they are at fault. When a spouse with low self-esteem has an issue that bothers her, she will often feel as if the root of the problem lies within her or something she has done.

This reaction to issues is damaging to the marriage for two reasons. First, the partner who has internalized the problem silently berates herself for causing the issue. This self-treatment makes it difficult to talk to her spouse about the problem. After all, when blame is perceived to lie within, getting a partner to understand the issue may be impossible. Second, the other partner may realize something troubles his spouse, but is unable to learn the cause. Even with coaxing, the troubled partner may be unwilling to directly talk about the problem that bothers her. This lack of communication has a snowball effect as both partners become increasingly frustrated.

An inability to communicate because of low self-esteem can have another negative impact on a marriage. When a partner suffers from a low self-image and ceases to talk to her spouse, the silence that grows between them can result in a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. This lack of intimacy can further damage the marriage, driving an unspoken wedge between the partners.

In the end, when a marriage exists and one spouse is inflicted with a low self-esteem, the lack of communication that results can destroy the relationship in several ways. If the partners are unable to discuss the problems that bother them, console each other and feel a level of physical and emotional intimacy for their spouse, it will eventually ruin the marriage.