Mac on the Attack

Macaulay Culkin is my new hero. I shared quite a few mutual friends with him, but I have never met him. When I hung out with rich Manhattan kids they talked of him like he was just "one of the gang." How far his life must have been from the misery and desolation I experienced growing up in suburban New Jersey. He probably even lost his virginity at a reasonable age! I did not lose mine until the shameful age of 20. Yes, I assume he was around for the general debauchery of mid-90s New York and L.A., from the Limelight to the Roxbury. Lucky duck! Who needs love from a father or mother when one has money and love from the public or love from beautiful women? How many times did I wish I had simply been raised by the state? I am not being facetious here. I am truly envious of Mac.

I am not as envious as I used to be, but I was just a tad jealous when I read the latest gossip item about him. According to the New York Daily News, Macaulay Culkin - following his split with Mila Kunis - was photographed outside of Bagdad, a Barcelona strip club, with Spanish porn star Irene Lopez.

As I said, he is my new hero. What an excellent way to handle a break-up or divorce!

Of course, if you are famous at all what is the point of being married or even being in a relationship in the first place? If I had the slightest bit of fame or success I would use it to procure as many sexual partners as possible. My appetite would not be satisfied until I was somewhere in the thousands. Perhaps then I would look for one woman to spend the rest of my life with.

It is also perfect revenge on an ex to be seen indulging in orgies. In my opinion, the most sure measure of success in this life is how much sex one has and with how many partners. Whoever has had the most sex when one draws his final breath is the winner. As long as the equipment is working the game is on. Some of us (like me) are slow starters but strong finishers. In this game, it is better to be a strong starter (because faculties often decline with age), but it is not too late for me. And that is why I take Mac for inspiration. He did a proper job of recovering from the dissolution of his marriage.

It is never too late to realize that monogamy and especially marriage are huge mistakes that only hold one back from realizing one's sexual destiny. Mac, hopefully, has realized this in time.

So have I.