'Machete' - Arizona is the Least of His Problems!

Despite the unfortunate box office failure of Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino's double feature Grindhouse, Rodriguez was undeterred in turning one of the fake trailers from it into an actual feature length film. Out of all of them, Machete was the one that begged the most to be made into a film as we reveled in watching Danny Trejo lay waste to the bad guys with his many large cleaver-like cutting tools. Now it has been fully realized into the kind of B-movie many of us grew up watching. You know the plot: good man does his job protecting his people, gets double crossed by an evil drug lord, watches his family die, is turned into an outcast in society, gets a chance at redemption, realizes it was all a set up, and he spends the rest of the film going after those who betrayed him with bloody vengeance! That description should remind you of a couple hundred movies that play out like that. Oh yeah, there's a political subtext too for those interested.

At the center of the action is reliable supporting actor Danny Trejo who with Machete finally gets his first lead role in a movie. Just looking at his face (let alone his tattoos) is a sign of the rough and tumble life he has led. For years he was a criminal and drug addict and later got sent to San Quentin where he managed to succeed in turning his life around. Now that's saying a lot because most people who get paroled out of San Quentin turn out to be even worse criminals than before they went in. Since then, he has been a memorable presence in movies like Heat, Spy Kids, Desperado, The Devil's Rejects, and Rob Zombie's Halloween to name a few.

Now Danny is not a pretty guy per, and many agents and casting directors probably told him to his face that he would never make it in Hollywood (shows what they know). But I would say that he's the kind of guy we should see more of in movies. His scarred and tattooed body speaks of a history that is authentic and not some made up Hollywood BS perfected by brilliant makeup artists. The tabloids are filled with all sorts of actors and celebrities who look like they rarely if ever had to struggle a day in their lives thanks to a good case of nepotism. You never buy them in roles like these because it is impossible to believe they come from a rough background regardless if they say they did. Could any other action star given life to Machete the way Danny Trejo does? I find that highly unlikely.

Throughout Machete's running time, Trejo proves to be a force to be reckoned with, and he gives us the kind of furious exploitation hero we come to get a kick out of as he proves to be far more vicious and than the bad guys. While the villains use a large variety of guns big and small, Machete makes creative use of many sharp metal objects within his reach, proving that advanced weaponry will not save the villainous fools. It's bad enough as it is that the bad guys appear to shoot off so many bullets yet only hit their targets like 12% of the time! Machete also makes gut churning use of the large intestine as an escape device, and audiences everywhere are sure to be going OOOOOOOOOOH when they witness the different scenes of unbridled carnage (none of which should ever be taken seriously of course).

I would love to be on the set of a Robert Rodriguez movie someday because it must be loads of fun from start to finish. Robert's love of cinema shines through each and every one of his movies including this one, and he shows no shame in creating set pieces that are absolutely insane (MPAA be damned!). You also have to admire the director who is able to get a cast together which includes Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, and Lindsay Lohan among other well known celebrities. Many of the same actors from the fake trailer are here again, and the rest are new (and welcome) additions to the cast. But other than Tarantino, can you think of another director actor or director who can gather together a cast this vast? Well... there is Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney with their Ocean's Elevenmovies, but I'm not sure I have seen either of them make a movie as bloody as this one.

I have to tell you, I got a really big kick out of seeing Steven Seagal here as evil drug lord Torrez. Back in the 90's, I was a huge fan of his work, and it didn't matter much if his movies were crap or if he was only playing variations on the same character because at least we got to see him kick ass and snap limbs in two with little effort. Well known for being the hero, here he is cast here as the bad guy, and if any of the tabloid stories or rumors about his life are even remotely true, then this casting could not have come at a better time. Ok, his accent is crappy and he looks even pudgier than ever, but that cool veneer of his was great to see here, and it makes me want to revisit some of his best movies like Hard To Kill or Marked For Death. As long as it's not On Deadly Ground, there will be fun to be had.

As for Jeff Fahey, I don't think I've ever given him much credit as an actor. All I can remember him from before he joined up with Rodriguez are movies like Body Parts (remember that one?) where he seemed to play everything on the same emotional note. But here as ruthless businessman Michael Booth, Fahey is fantastic playing the kind of bad guy who could easily seduce just about anyone into doing a murder for hire. Seeing him also deal with Lolita issues involving his daughter and losing his mind when he realizes that Machete is actually an ex-Federale adds more to his seemingly under control character, and Fahey keeps an essence of sheer cool all throughout the explosive mayhem.

Now Robert De Niro has been on a comedy swing for a good long time now, and while we may be eager for him to do a dramatic movie that's good (as opposed to another dud like Righteous Kill), he is a gas as Senator John McLaughlin. As the kind of highly conservative politician who many of us love to hate, De Niro really does look like he's having great fun as we watch him in Machete's more satirical moments doing the usual campaign ads that always end with "I approved this message" (man am I sick of that phrase!). While pushing to make his anti-illegal immigrations laws as strict and permanent as they can be, he comes off as ridiculously aloof and is more than willing to switch sides on the issue if it involves his survival (and not just his political survival mind you).

Cheech Marin, who has appeared in just about every Robert Rodriguez movie filmed, is back as Padre, the priest who took a vow to be against violence and yet is still quite the expert at blowing away bad guys with a pair of shotguns. His great line from the trailer of how "god has faith" is here as well, and it makes for one of my favorite pieces of dialogue I have heard in awhile. Also on board is his Nash Bridges buddy Don Johnson as Von Jackson, your average vigilante with a predictably twisted mindset on things. Seeing him playing it cool here throughout was a nice touch. I still hate Nash Bridges though...

Now many will say that the women who were cast in Machete had to do more with their fabulous physiques, and they are indeed on display throughout. But each woman character is rightfully conceived as a badass female who lays down the law without the help of a man. Michelle Rodriguez, whose career has been rebounding thanks to sexy tough performances in Fast & Furiousand Avatar, still does great work finding the line between masculinity and femininity as Luz, a taco truck lady who is also the revolutionary warrior Shé (eat your heart out Guevara!). You can always count on Ms. Rodriguez to play the most badass female in an action movie.

Jessica Alba also co-stars as Santana Rivera, a US immigrations officer who is bound to the law even if it means deporting many of her people back to Mexico where they came from. Now many have been bagging on her as an actress, but I think she's better than many will bother to give her credit for. Besides, there are very few people who could workout to a Nintendo Wii game and not look so glaringly self-conscious at the same time. Rodriguez used her to really good effect when he made Sin City, and she is a surprisingly strong presence here as her character struggles between enforcing the law and doing the right thing. As long as she keeps doing movies like this and not getting herself stuck in crap like The Eye or Good Luck Chuck, I think she will do much better in the cinematic world at large.

Then you have Lindsay Lohan whose face has had more screen time in the National Enquirer and Star Magazine then at the movies. It's nice to see her onscreen again in something that is actually not a direct to DVD dud, and that's even if the character she plays seems a bit similar to what she's been reportedly going through in real life. Her character of April is a spoiled socialite with a drug problem, and we first see her after her father Michael Booth has rescued her from a Mexican crack house and blown everyone inside away without breaking a sweat. She only has a few scenes, and that includes one where she and her mother make out with Machete.Seeing her wield a gun while dressed in a nun's outfit is quite the image, and many have wanted to see her wearing something like that for various reasons. Lindsay's presence could have been a real distraction from the proceedings, but she fits in just fine with the cinematic insanity that constantly unfolds on the screen.

If there's anything that takes away from the sheer exploitation entertainment of Machete, it's that the sociopolitical issues introduced here tend to take away from the ridiculous amount of fun we expect from a movie that throws caution to the wind. You really don't want to find yourself taking a movie like this too seriously because everything is expected to be overblown and through the roof. Bringing in this whole critique of unnecessary immigration policies doesn't always fit with the action, but it is also hard to argue against considering what's going on in Arizona right now (Machete actually takes place in Texas). It should be noted however that Robert Rodriguez starting shooting this movie long before the harsh immigration laws in Arizona were put into effect, so the timeliness of the political theme of immigration is a coincidence more than anything else.

Still, I had a lot of fun with Machete even though I was hoping it to be even more crazily entertaining than it was. Sure, it's not meant to be a classic along the lines of Lawrence of Arabia or Citizen Kane, but that should be clearly obvious as you walk into the theater. I'm sure there will be a lot of conservative critics out there taking the movie to task for its take against immigration laws, but in the end it is just overblown and nasty fun, and Rodriguez is clearly having the time of his life with his newfound hero in Danny Trejo.

I do hope there is a sequel to it, because Machete Kills is a perfect title for it. The cast and crew are bound to have even more fun with that one!

*** out of ****