Madonna to Remake Casablanca. Britney Spears to Be Thrown a Cameo Bone

What we have determined from our anonymous source are the following:

Madonna naturally cast herself in the lead role. The character of Ilsa Lund was made famous in the original 1942 Casablanca by 27-year-old Ingrid Bergman, but Madonna, at 49, feels this is the role she was born to play. Madonna plans to turn the May-December relationship as portrayed by pairing Bergman with Humphrey Bogart, 16 years her senior, on its head by casting 30-year-old, Ashton Kutcher as Rick Blaine.

The Rest of the Potential Cast
Owen Wilson is being courted to play Victor Laszlo. However Luke Wilson is also being considered. Sources report they are interchangeable like Baldwins.

Gérard Depardieu was first approached to play the role of Captain Renault. Our inside source said, "We wanted a Frenchman to revise the role made famous by Claude Rains, but Gérard was not available. Something about being dead for the last ten years, according to his agent. We have Jean-Claude van Damme on board though. You know the old saying, 'When you can't get a Frenchman, settle for a Belgian.'"

Eddie Murphy will don a fat suit to play Sam, the piano player. "We couldn't think of anyone better to 'Play it again,' than Eddie. He is the master of un-reinventing himself." our source commented.

Steve Buscemi has shown interest in playing Ugarte, the role originally played by Peter Lorre. "After all, we needed at least one person who can act in this thing," the source said. However, TBCB&SRG has also uncovered a write-in campaign to have Clay Aiken cast in this role. It is a musical after all.

Script Changes
Yes. That was not a typo. Madonna's version of Casablanca is to be remade as a musical. She has already penned a few songs for the soundtrack. The redo of "As Time Goes By" will be a 15-minute dance number with a cameo by Britney Spears.

The La Marseillaise scene, which in the original was a stirring shouting-match with German officer's in Rick's bar, will be redone as a techno-dance set to heavy-beat house music and feature a running shoot-out with the reptilian aliens.

Though the Daily Mail rumors Iraq as the new setting, the preliminary script TBCB&SRG obtained, has the modernized setting in outer space in the not-so-distant future. The NAZI oppressors will be replaced by reptilian aliens all named "W," "V" having been taken by a late, 1980's mini-series.

The initial budget is estimated at $175 million (U.S.) and backers are reportedly lining up for a slice of Madonna's pie. Even if the box office tanks, the DVD residuals will be tremendous. Our inside source said, "We figure the YouTube spoofs alone are going to be worth $100,000 in DVD sales."