Mafia Magi

The time: Late evening. The day: December 26^th. The year: 0 AD. The place: Bethlehem in Judea.

A caravan of three sedan chairs wends its way through the narrow back streets of the city. All three sedan chairs are the same. Each chair is carried by two well-built bearers. The bearers are wearing black robes, black shoes with spats, hats and wrap-around sunglasses. The sedan chairs are highly polished black lacquered beams and cabins with black veils covering the windows. The caravan takes a side street to a secluded manger and stops.

The bearers lower the sedan chairs. They look around. One bearer from each sedan chair leans into the window and gives the all clear sign. The occupant of the first sedan chair steps out and surveys the scene. The locals have come out to take in this strange sight. One wizened old man in a turban stares at the hat the caravan leader is wearing.

"Eh, what's wit ju, ain'tcha never seen a fedora before? Okay boys, we're here. Dis is da place. Antny and Giacamo, you stay here and watch the cahs. These folks don't look too reputable, if you know what I mean."

The two occupants of the other two sedan chairs get out, suspiciously look around, and follow the first man toward a barn at the end of the path. The barn has no door, just a cloth flap, which is, tied back revealing a young man and woman caring for a newborn child.

The leader of the three walks with his head up, shoulders back, and his right hand clasping a dagger hidden under his cloak. As he nears the barn door he steps in a pile of donkey dung. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!", he bellowed.

The young couple looks up. "Yes?"

"Christ! Do youse guys know how much deese shoes cost? Plenty, I can tell ya dat!"

"I am sorry about that. But this is a manger and you have to expect that kind of thing around here. This is not the Bethlehem Ritz. We tried there. They said there wasn't one room was available. Personally, I think they saw my wife was ready to deliver and were afraid we'd spoil the bed sheets. And then of course there's the screaming during the delivery. Not good for business." Approaching the leader carefully, the young man asked, "By the way, how did you know our names?"

"Never mind dat, I'm Vito, Dis is Luigi, and dat's Carmine."

"Are you from the East? It is foretold that wise men from the East were to come to meet our son. Are you them?"

"Well, we're from the East Side of Palermo, and we're wise guys. So I guess we're dem. We got woid that dere was gonna be a new capo de capo in dis area. So, we came to see him. Maybe do some business, know what I mean?"

"Well, no."

"A lotta stuff passes tru here. We'd like to get a piece of the action. We met wit da govner of dis area, Pilot. No help at all. Didn't know squat about de new capo or nuttin'. He asked if our boys would look for dis new kid and let him know where he was. So's he could do right by de kid. We told him we'd do dat."

"You're going to tell Pilot where we are? He'll kill us!"

"Don't get yer loin cloth in a knot. We figgered dat out for ourselves. And Vito don't rat on nobody. Youse is safe, fer now. But dis guy Pilot ain't ta be trusted. If I was you I'd get on dat donkey and get yer ass outta Dodge ASAP. If ya know what I mean?"

"Well . . . sort of."

"Yo, Carmine, bring da stuff."

Carmine leads three bearers, each carrying a heavy chest.

"Da kid's kinda young to be negotiating wit, for now. And youse guys'll probably be on the lam for a while. Here's my card. When de kid's old enough or youse guys is settled in somewheres safe, let me know. Den we'll talk toiky. Fer now we got yeh some stuff. Gifts, so to speak. Gold, always comes in handy. Yeh never know when yer gonna need to grease a palm or two. Frankincense, If yer staying in a dump like this, this'll make it smell better. Myrrh, we got a truck load of dis stuff and hoid youse guys tink its woith something"

"How can we ever thank you?"

"Fuggetaboutit. In our business, we do you a favor . . . some day you'll do us a favor. One hand washes the udder, if yeh catch my drift?

"Well, no . . . but thank you"

"Okay youse guys," Vito addressed his men, "We're outta here! Let's go home. I promised da wife I'd be home fer Saturnalia!"

Carmine whispered something in Vito's ear.

"Good tinkin'. Youse guys know a good place to buy something fer the old lady? I always put off shoppin' 'til da last minute."