Magistrates, Nuns, and Airport Security

It turns out that there are two groups of people who have absolutely no sense of humour: Magistrates and airport security. They absolutely hate jokes of any sort. Nuns have a better sense of humour than these people. Nuns are also more susceptible to tickling,but that is an entirely different story, and not one which I would feel comfortable signing my name to.

The Cape Town magistrates court is a beehive of corruption, despair,and confusion. Sheer terror reigns for the most part as the state apparatus attempts to subvert and control those unfortunates who are summoned to court. One is left with the unhappy conclusion that unless you have a degree in law you have no chance in hell. And God knows that there will be plenty of lawyers in hell. I personally can't wait for them to reunite with airport security and the magistrates to discuss the finer points of being polite and having a sense of humour with Adolf Hitler for the rest of eternity. Am I being too harsh?

After my ordeal I returned to Cape Town international with a new look in my eye. I managed to sneak out a copy of the airport security manual out of the airport. It is surprisingly easy to steal stuff from security personnel - they never see it coming. *cough*.

For your edification I share some nuggets from the manual.

AIRPORT SECURITY MANUAL

Chapter 1: Are you suited to being an airport security guard?

1.1 - How many languages do you speak?

Ideally an airport security guard should be fluant only in one dialect, and preferably one which is not spoken anywhere except a remote village in some horrible area of South Africa that nobody else has ever heard of.

1.2 - What academic qualifications do you have?

Please bear in mind that your job involves standing around looking bored and being rude to people. If you've failed woodwork and can shout a lot then please rather consider a career in politics. We're not asking for much from our airport guards.

1.3 - Can you take a joke?

You see somebody who is smiling. His life is clearly better than yours. How do you react? If your reply involves rubber gloves, pepper spray, and a trip to the police station then you are ideally suited as a candidate.

Chapter 2: Chief duties and competencies

2.1 - Can you stand around all day?

If not, please consider a career as a politician which involves sitting around all day and occasionally shouting for somebody to bring you an automatic machine gun.

2.2 - Can you glare?

I'm afraid that unless you can glare convincingly then any career in public service is not suited for you. Frankly I'm surprised you managed to survive to adulthood in South Africa without learning how to glare menacingly.

Magistrates

As for magistrates? Anybody who absolutely insists that everybody stands up when they enter the room, bows before them, and addresses them as "your honour" needs a serious ego check. Hello? You're still human! Underneath that gown is a food hole and a poo hole just like everybody else. You're going to die and rot just like everybody else, so please get over yourself.

I really struggle to take these people seriously - they simply condemn without any regard for justice or equality. This particular magistrate sent a woman to Pollsmoor to await trial even though she was the sole provider for her 17 year old child. He didn't let her make a phone call to arrange for the care of her child. Now what purpose to our country does this magistrate serve if he allows a 17 year old child to wonder what happened to his mom?

Get a grip magistrates, get a sense of humour, and remember that you're dealing with people.