Maintaining Good Communication While Your Child is in Prison

When your children are born you have dreams of them growing up to be happy, healthy, well-adjusted adults. You never expect that one day you'll be visiting your squirming bundle of joy behind bars.

When my stepson received a 13-month prison sentence for repeated THC possession, it was a shock to him and the entire family. He was barely 19, had never been in jail prior to his current offense, didn't have a history of violence, and had a good work record. True, he had a long string of marijuana-related offenses, but nothing prepared us to hear the word 'prison.'

Everything we knew about prison, we'd learned from television and movies, so we feared the worst. Fortunately, our fears had little to do with reality. After a few weeks at a maximum-security facility for processing, our son was sent to a medium-security facility, which bore no resemblance to anything on television. He was safe, well fed, and able to pursue his education, play sports, attend religious services, and enjoy a variety of hobbies.

For our part, we vowed to do what we could to help our son know he was still an important part of the family. Although there were a lot of stipulations to follow, we found the road to maintaining good communication wasn't all that difficult to navigate. Each facility has their own lengthy set of rules, but if your child receives a prison sentence, you will soon become familiar with the specifics of their institution and can keep your family ties strong.

Perhaps the most important thing you can do while your child is incarcerated is writing them frequently. Fill pages with news of your daily routine, what's happening with the family, and words of encouragement. Tuck in occasional photos if allowed and send a greeting card every now and then. Your child will treasure your cards and letters and read them over and over again.

Your child will be able to call home, although the frequency and length of these calls will vary by institution and your child's circumstances. Phone calls from prisons are collect, and they can be tricky to set up, but what a treat it is to be able to visit over the phone. Some phone companies put blocks on lines to deny access from prisoners, so you will need to check with your local phone company about this.

Of course you'll want to visit your child if at all possible. Visiting your child in prison does take some getting used to. Every prison has its own visiting days and hours, as well as regulations on how to get approved for visiting, how many people can visit at one time, what can be worn, what items can be brought into the visiting room, etc. When you arrive at the prison, there are forms to complete, identification cards to be checked, and metal detectors to clear. Once you're cleared, you'll be escorted to a visiting room where your prisoner will be brought to meet you. At the prison where our son is at, we're allowed a brief hug and kiss at the beginning and end of the visit, but no contact otherwise. For my husband and I, the hardest part of visiting is saying goodbye. The prison is a three-hour drive from our home, so visits are few and far between.

Although it does not seem possible on the day of sentencing, life can seem almost normal while your child is in prison. Just stay positive, keep the lines of communication strong, and keep looking forward to that happy day when they're released.