Major Cinematic Disappointments: The Top 5 Worst Film Remakes of All Time

Lately, it seems like Hollywood has run out of ideas with almost every other film being a remake of another. In some cases, the remake treatment is a positive thing, but sometimes it just goes very, very wrong. These are the five worst remakes of all time.

5. The Stepford Wives (2004)

I was actually really excited about this when I first heard about it. While the 1975 original was a clever feminist satire thriller set during the height of the women's movement, the remake had the potential to be a great dark comedy about the women who have it all and the men who resent them for it. But then something got lost in the translation and someone forgot to make the final decision as to whether the wives should be robots or implanted with behavioral chips. The result was a confusing mix of both, and by the end, you just don't care anymore. Not to mention that if your film is billed as a comedy and the funniest line is about a DIY pinecone sex toy, it might be time for some revisions.

4. Godzilla (1998)

When the film in question features a giant lizard terrorizing a city, most people aren't going into the theater expecting an Oscar contender. However, and maybe this is too much to ask, they would like to be entertained. This 1998 remake is anything but. It is, in a word, un-suspenseful. With dozens of people shooting at the giant creature, who was probably the height of the Empire State Building and the width of a city block, every shot somehow managed to miss. That was an improbability that my middle school class, who watched this film in the late 90s, found faulty at best.

3. The Women (2008)

This is yet another film that had the potential to be great when updated. As the 1939 original is one of my favorite films, I was really excited for it. However, I was once again let down when what was once a catty, smart, and quick film based on a catty, smart, and quick play written by a catty, smart, and quick playwright was reduced to a bunch of romantic comedy clichés, silliness, and funny faces. Admittedly, Annette Benning was a great match for the original Rosalind Russell role, but Meg Ryan, Eva Mendes, and Debra Messing are no Norma Shearer, Joan Crawford, and Joan Fontaine. Not by a long shot.

2. Pride and Prejudice (2005)

While there have been several versions of this Jane Austen classic on the silver screen, this had the sad distinction of being the first to come after what I consider to be the definitive Pride and Prejudice, the 1995 BBC version. Even if Laurence Olivier had been brought back from the dead to portray Mr. Darcy, anything after 1995 was going to fall short and be unnecessary. Perhaps I'm alone in this sentiment, but to me, Keira Knightley is simply not Elizabeth Bennet. Her pouty face and peculiar hair that always seemed to be wet were just distracting. Not to mention that the tacked on Mr. and Mrs, Darcy honeymoon scene at the end was too cheesy to have ever been penned by Miss Austen.

1. Psycho (1998)

This is how I imagine the pitch meeting went for the remake of this Alfred Hitchcock classic:

Gus Van Zant: I like movies and Hitchcock made movies. I want to remake Psycho.

Studio Executive: That's the one with the shower, right? What do you want to do differently?

Gus Van Zant: Different? What are you talking about? I want to make the same film Hitchcock did, word for word. Shot for shot.

Studio Executive: I don't know about that. Wasn't it in black and white? We use color these days.

Gus Van Zant: Well of course I'll use color. That's what makes it a remake!

Studio Executive: Sold!

Moviegoers: Sigh.