Make Friends at College Without Alcohol or Anything Illegal

Ah, college. Many say the friends you make here are some of the friends you'll have forever. But there's one little bit of information missing from that theory: it's probably not talking about the friends you made during that keg party, or the friends who convinced you to smoke something that left you wondering why your feet were floating above your head, or even the friends who got you to do that thing you can't talk about because of the restraining order and secrecy order your signed.

When you think of college friends that endured, I'm sure there were those who were right beside you at every party you ever attended. There's probably even some who convinced you to do some pretty dumb things you'll never admit to your parents, or even your children. But some of the best friends you'll take away from college are those who you sat around doing pretty tame things with, like talking to or watching a movie, going out to dinner or hanging out at a nearby park with.

My first semester of college is nobody's handbook to making friends or meeting people. I spent most of my time in my room on my computer, or eating by myself at a table in the dining hall, or reading a book in a secluded corner of the library, or sitting in the lounge of my dormitory hoping someone would come by and initiate a meaningful friendship with me. Ask any of the friends I made in college what they thought of me that first semester, and you'll probably get the same response: stand-offish, a loner, and hard to talk to. Believe me, I know; I asked! Fortunately for me, I learned that you don't have to be a great conversationalist, or a wild party person, to make some great friends in college. Here are some tips that might help you avoid a first, friendless semester like mine.

Don't Skip Out on First-Year Games/Initiation

It usually sounds stupid, but this is the first time you'll be hanging out with people who are in the same place as you: right at the bottom of the college barrel. Dorm initiations are usually pretty lame: silly games, stupid activities that make you feel a little more like a loser than you'd like, etc. But there's one great thing about it: pretty much everyone else thinks it's just as stupid as you do, and they're going to talk about it with you. And soon enough, you'll move from talking about how dumb it is to what you'd rather be doing. And that might progress into a conversation about your favorite movies. And then, maybe, just maybe, you'll be initiating some early friendships. You see, First-Year games are meant to be stupid; the people leading them usually know just how silly they are, and how much you're going to talk about them. But no matter how stupid or lame they are, they still build friendships, community bonds, and a lot more.

I, unfortunately, skipped my First-Year games because my RA told me I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. My hall mates came back with stories of the silly things they'd done, but also with their arms flung around each other's shoulders and lunch dates. They knew each other, and I had no idea what they were talking about. Later, when I was an RA, I helped to lead First-Year games, and realized exactly what they were all about. It doesn't matter how stupid an activity is, as long as a group of people is having some semblance of fun doing it together. Because when that happens, it becomes an instant college memory, and you've made it with a group of people you can go on sharing it with for a long time. And that's how friendships begin.

Bake Something

Okay, this one is a dirty trick, but it still works. They say the fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach; well, the same applies for college students. And nothing gets to the heart faster than a freshly baked batch of chocolate chip cookies.

The key to this trick is to not be awkward about it. Don't bake a bunch of goods and go marching around insisting everyone eat it in exchange for a five minute conversation, especially if you haven't made an effort to get to know anyone before. And don't skip out on any conversation that starts up because someone sniffed your cookies from across campus; if they ask you if you bake, come up with a better response than, "No duh, Sherlock."

During the second semester of my First-Year, when I began to really want to spend time with my floor mates, I started baking up a storm: cookies, brownies, chocolate dipped pretzels, muffins, sticky buns, etc. Once I started baking, conversations starting coming. People wanted to know if I was baking for any special reason, how I learned to bake, did I know how to bake this or that, could they bake something with me. The boys from upstairs would descend upon the floor and devour whatever I made almost before I could get it out of the oven, which wasn't much good for sparking up any conversation with them. But it did give me some things to joke about when my floor mates came by to see what I was up to. The thing is, you're not trying to trick people into talking to you. It doesn't have to be baking. The same goes for anything you're good at. If you're crocheting in the lounge, someone might come by wanting to talk about it, and eventually someone might ask to join. It's not just about providing things for people; it's about sharing things with them, including interests and company.

Offer to Host a Study Session

When you're taking a difficult class, people are going to want to study together. Step up to the plate and offer to host a study session in your dorm room (with your roommate's permission) or lounge. Bake some nice snacks, or buy some, to welcome people with. Spark up some conversation not related to the topic at hand before you actually start studying. Crack a few jokes about the upcoming exam, before and even during the study session. The key here is starting up conversations and letting people see you in a relaxed atmosphere.

As I started hanging out with more people on my floor, I also started wanting to expand my horizons and hang out with people from outside of my building. Attending a few study sessions was all it took. As soon as someone brought up the idea that a few of us should study for a philosophy exam together, I started offering to come, or host it in my building, or bring a snack. Studying for the exam usually took about an hour, but the sessions lasted way beyond that time because we actually started talking to each other about our lives, our interests, and things far beyond anything philosophical (although an occasional humorous philosophical debate would break out as well). It sounds a little dorky, and it might be, but I can still bring up a philosophy lesson with some of my college friends and get a laugh out of it, not because it was funny at the time, but because we shared those stressful moments together and made it out of them alive.

Eat Alone, on Occasion

This is not as bad as it sounds. Unlike my first semester, when I ate alone unintentionally and usually toward the back of the dining hall, eating alone became very strategic during the second semester. Sit in a "prime" dining hall location; near the middle of the dining hall if possible. Pick a seat near the middle of a table, or if you're on the outer edges of the eating area, at the end of a table. This is a strategy more for meeting people than making immediate friends. As the dining hall starts to fill up, people will start sitting around you. Offer to let someone you recognize from a class sit with you, or even a complete stranger. And after you do so, don't just sit there staring off into space or reading a book (unless it's a conversation-starting book); I made that mistake, too, and it's rude, and uncomfortable.

During my senior year, despite having a good foundation of friends, I still wanted to meet new people. Just by sitting alone in the dining hall, that happened. People from some of my classes asked to sit with me, or I invited them to snag the seat across from me. Some were people I probably never would have really talked to outside of class. In fact, one of the young ladies who wound up joining my group of friends was in a Square Dancing class I took only because I absolutely had to. She and I sat at a table together one day after class, and soon we were having lunch almost every day. Her friends started to join her, and they became my acquaintances. One of them wound up having a class with me in the spring, and we became friends. It's as simple as knowing where to sit in a dining hall and making the best of sitting alone from time to time.

Join an Organization/Club

Be careful with this one. Joining a club is about meeting people with shared interests; that doesn't mean that as soon as you join up and attend a meeting you can say you've made twenty new friends. Clubs and organizations are places to start up new acquaintances, and let them become friendships if they are meant to. Even if you don't make friends with a lot of people in your club, you'll at least know of people who share your interest in one thing or another. Just make sure you're not joining the wrong clubs for the wrong reasons.

I joined one organization on campus, a women's choir, because I remembered making a lot of friends in high school in choir. I didn't actually enjoy the women's choir very much, and I didn't enjoy a lot of the people who were in it. The one person I met who might have become a friend transferred from the college that same semester. I was in that choir for all the wrong reasons, and it didn't make me happy. Fortunately, I found other organizations to be part of that I joined not for the sake of meeting people, but because I was genuinely interested in what they were about. And strangely enough, that's where I made a few more friends. See, people know when you're being genuine and when you're not. They pick up on your passion for something, and sometimes it'll attract a few people to you. And those are the people you might want to hang out with.

Hang Out in the Dorm

Probably the number one resource for making friends during your First-Year experience is the dormitory itself. Some schools have set up programs called the First-Year experience, where freshmen are placed in First-Year exclusive dormitories. Despite how horrifying that might sound to any of you who were hoping to make friends with a lot of upperclassmen, it's actually a very functional program. Think about it: many of the friends who last through college are those that are made during the first year. You get to know them the best because you get to know them the longest. If you make upperclassmen friends exclusively, guess what? When they graduate, you lose your friend base. Making friends with those in your own academic class helps you get the most out of each and every friendship you make that year.

I went to a college where I knew a few of the upperclassmen students from churches and other experiences. I also got to be friendly with a lot of upperclassmen students in my major. Yet I was fortunate to make friends with the majority of the girls on my First-Year dorm hall, as well, because as soon as the year ended, half of those upperclassmen friends and acquaintances were gone. Had I not bothered to make friends with anyone on my hall, I might have had a very lonely college career. I haven't heard from many of those upperclassmen acquaintances in many, many years; I've heard from the friends I made in my own class every summer since the end of my First-Year, and while I only just graduated I don't foresee those friendships fading off into the sunset anytime soon. They are the friends who know me the best, even more than many of the friends I've known since elementary school. They saw me through some of the toughest years of my life, and of all the college memories I've made, I'm sure they're the ones that will linger.

Making friends in college is a tricky thing. You not only have to deal with the people you see in classes, but you also have to live with them. You have to balance classes with a social life, and that is no easy task. Finding time to be social is a key element to college survival, and an even bigger key to making those ever-important college friends. Without them, how else would you entertain yourself on weekends, or find new places around town to share with some other people? Who else would you laugh with at the same movie twenty times, or hop in a car with to go nowhere, or develop a functional Zombie Escape Plan for every building on campus (that's experience talking, folks)? It takes effort on your part, and patience, and a lot of silliness to make those friendships happen. So go, have fun, make friends, and enjoy the college experience.

Believe me, it's the friends you make who make it an experience of a lifetime.