Make Your Marriage Work

Stubbornness is always a bad thing, right? That depends. If we're talking about heels firmly dug in and arms crossed defensively across the chest, yes. On the other hand, laboring for understanding and flexibility through seemingly overwhelming odds is a kind of stubbornness that marriage can live with. In fact, this kind of stubbornness is essential to reach the goal of "forever" that two people in love promise each other. Enduring unions have these five things in common:

They hold on to the dream of happily-ever-after. People, who believe in and strive for their ideal, attain it. They understand that marriage is a work in progress, not something that is perfect from the beginning. Being in love doesn't guarantee that you will never disagree with each other but you need to ensure that you don't let disagreements accumulate. Talking things out will become easier as you learn more about your spouse's likes and dislikes and make an effort to compromise and accommodate each other.

People in lasting relationships refuse to believe the worst about each other. Trouble can be avoided by making sure of your facts before you start accusing your mate of wrongs you've only assumed are true. Fear often keeps us from asking our mates sensitive questions but clear communication will help to prevent ill will.

They resist listening to the advice of people whose own marriages are less than successful. The advice of malcontents is always suspect. Their sympathy and support will be welcome and make you realize that you are not alone, but following any advice they may give can lead you further from a resolution with your spouse and closer to divorce court. Instead, seek the advice of a professional counselor or, at the very least a trusted friend with a good marriage.

Couples with good marriages never let their disappointment in each other manifest itself in destructive ways like nagging or anger. It takes a distinct effort not to hound hubby when he keeps putting off something that's important to you but, rather than nag, simply get out of earshot of him and voice your anger in private or write your grievances down. Your spouse need never see your record of complaints but writing them down will help to get them out of your system. Afterwards, you will be able to approach the problem from a different perspective. You need to balance your need for unquestioning cooperation against the value of the relationship as a whole. In other words, what's more important, a leaky faucet or all of the reasons you fell in love with the guy in the first place?

They are stubbornly defensive of their partner to others. Unity is not built on understanding everything your mate does, but on being supportive regardless of whether or not you are in total agreement. Whatever the issue, never voice your criticism of him/her in public.