Making Your Child "Bully-Proof"

How can I help my child to not fall victim to a bully? Totally bully proofing, like totally drown proofing, is unfortunately not possible. There are however a few things you can do to reduce the likelihood and instances of bullying. These things will also improve the outcome if you child does fall victim to that schoolyard bully.

First, well before the child enters school, try to allow your child to get know a few of the other children who will be in his/her grade at school. Arrange for them to spend time together playing. This will give him or her a nucleus from which to build a strong support system, yes even kids need support systems among their peers. It will help him to build a strong, confidant self image. He will know who his friends are and they will be there to support him if he needs it, or he will be there to support his friends If they are distressed by bullies. Supporting one another is an important life skill. The sooner it is learned the better off he or she will be.

Second, raise a confidant child. "Right," "How are we going to do that?" you ask. Read further. From his youngest years let your child feel that he could handle what ever arrives at his doorstep. Reduce the number of barriers in his way, let him know there is a correct way to handle what ever (s)he encounters and than let him or her learn that correct way with your wise guiding hand.

Other parents will be putting barriers on the stairs to their homes, they will be forbidding the child any access to the staircase on his or her own two feet. With attentive hands-on supervision, you can teach your child to climb down those treacherous stairs backwards, feet first on his hands and knees. That way he at least has a chance to survive if he encounters those perilous stairs un-gated. Of course you will continue to use the gate to prevent unsupervised mishaps, but now he will have an "I can do that." attitude should he be confronted by the situation. It is more the removal of the fear of the stairs rather than allowing him to climb up or down alone. He will become less fearful of the other side of the gate should the gate become dislodged or broken away.

You can also teach your child to use a knife with great care, again under your watchful supervision, show him the sharp edge, he will understand if you call it the "Ouch," edge. Teach him that the sharp edge will do the cutting. He can learn to put his little four year old fingers on the back of the blade and press down while holding the handle with the other hand to cut. You will still need to be there when the knives are with in his reach, but he will have the confidence that, locking the "adult tools" away and forbidding them, takes away.

Instead of picking the child up and putting him on that playground ride or rocking horse, help him to climb u onto it safely. Place his little feet on the correct climbing points and show him where to hold on with his hands to pull himself up. He will feel more confident and capable for his attempt even if it is assisted by you. Watch him, he may even do it alone the next time.

He should wear allot of red, red is a color of affirmation and confidence. It affords those qualities to the wearer (think; the red corporate 'power' tie). His favorite color will be red for quite while until the child learns that "blue is for boys," or "pink is for girls." Even then the confidence that red color has imparted will stay with the child.

Every problem that presents itself should become a teaching experience for you and a learning opportunity for the child. The word "No," should not be part of a parents vocabulary, or only a minimal part, if at all. You do not want the child to see barriers in his world. You wanted him to be able to solve and circumvent any obstacles and problems he meets in life. This is a pattern that, once set in place, will repeat itself as life goes on. The child learns that there is a solution and looks for it instead of standing there befuddled. These techniques will not completely "bully proof" your child. Sadly nothing can really do that, but they will afford him the confidence that for the most part makes him a less likely target. Also they will help him or her to deflect or cope with that child who insists on acting the bully if the need arises.

Remember, lead by example. A confident parent is a good role model for a confident child.