Making Fun of People in the News

Jessica Simpson has signed on as a part owner and spokesperson for Stampede Light Plus, a new beer designed for the health conscious individual. She is quoted in the press release as saying "I know a smart idea when I hear one." Not like those silly people who labeled a can of tuna as "Chicken of the Sea" that's just confusing, isn't it Jessica? Fictional sources also heard Jessica Simpson commenting that with the release of Stampede Light Plus Vitamin Beer, if she doesn't have time for a real beer, she can just take one of those vitamin beer pills.

Kite Surfer Working on New Idea

Veteran kite surfer Kevin Kearney decided to brave the elements and strap himself into a giant kite for a pleasant afternoon of Kite Surfing in Florida during Tropical Storm Fay. Of course, the wind was more than cooperative and lifted him dozens of feet off the ground, slammed him face first into the beach and then took him aloft a second time to introduce him to the side of a nearby building, at high speed. From his hospital bed, the Kite Surfer was seen drawing up plans for a new kite with wire instead of string and a big iron key dangling from the kite tail. The drawings were labeled "electric hand warmers for kite surfing during cold weather." Good luck with that, Kevin. It certainly sounds like another great idea.

Dark Night for Christian Bale

Christian Bale, Batman from the Dark Night movie, was questioned by police after a complaint of assault was lodged against him for an incident involving his mother. Police said Christian Bale was very cooperative and showed up at the police station on his own in response to a spotlight casting a bat-shaped beacon against the clouds in the evening sky over his London apartment.

Nobody Complained so it Can't be that Bad

Displaying the tremendous depth of his knowledge of food and herbs, Britain's celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson recommended henbane as a way to add an original touch to a garden salad. Oh, that's original alright, Mr. Thompson. Unfortunately, henbane is also a deadly poison and following celebrity chef Antony Worrall Thompson's recipe would result in hallucinations, convulsions, coma, and death. After publishing Antony Worrall Thompson's recipe, "Healthy and Organic Living" magazine honestly said, they were sorry for the mistake, and they advised people to only take advice about what to eat from experts. Apparently celebrity chefs, who make their living by preparing food, and magazines dedicated to eating healthy foods should not be construed as experts on the subject of food. There was no word on whether those affected by the error accepted the magazine's apology.

Sometimes, comdey just writes itself. Other times, you have to make it up. Combining a little of both, as I did here, can be the most fun of all. If you like this article, let me know and I'll keep my eye on the news for more opportunities to skewer the newsmakers.