Making Mother's Day Great for Moms and Stepmothers in Blended Families

Blended families mean double trouble on Mother's Day. If you're in one, you know exactly what I mean. You have two females, each of which has a strong reason to believe that she deserves your love on this day. If you're like I was, and do not live with your birth mother, then you have truly divided loyalties, which makes this day a potentially explosive thing.

I found that the easiest way to manage days like this is to write two different types of messages, since I'm a writer. One would say something like, "A mother gives of herself, is there when you need her, never forgets to show you love, and is the one you can count on, no matter what comes." Then, for the other one, I'd write, "Because of you, I have life, and that is no simple thing. I'd like to honor you for that, and to thank you for being you! If I could, I'd show you just what you mean to me. Instead, please accept these words as a token of my gratitude." (Whew! That was some fancy dancing!)

Gifts were tougher. I'd try to make them cost roughly the same but have a personal value to each one. For instance, I was always broke, so I'd get a rose for one, and an egg roll for the other. I know that sounds odd, but they each loved their gift. If I happened to have money that year, I'd work hard to personalize the gifts, making sure to allow for their different personalities and styles to dictate the present. This way, it's too hard to compare the one to the other gift. In most cases, getting them both the same thing is not going to work.

However, let's assume that you're not like me. You have a birth mother who has raised you and has done everything for you. Along comes your stepmother and now she must get a gift. In most cases, she is really worried that whatever you do for her will simply show her how little value you place on that relationship. She knows she's not your mom, and she doesn't deserve the exact same honor and respect, but she is someone who is important to your dad, and she is doing the best she can to fit into the space she now occupies. Maybe she's great at it, and you love her, and maybe she's not so great at it. You have to feel for her, though, because no matter how it works, she's not going to be the winner this Mother's Day. So surprise her, by making it as good as it can get.

Again, nothing replaces the love for the woman who is giving of herself to you 24/7. She is going to be the one to get the most exciting gift, even if both gifts cost the same, simply because she is getting it with the most loving respect. She feels how genuine your love is and it's going to be wonderful. But it doesn't have to be bad for the stepmother. As I've said, work on making her gift personal, highlighting the things that make her different, and still showing her that she has your respect. If you let her know that you see her as an individual, someone with her own talents and gifts, she will honor that. For me, that might mean buying her a set of paint brushes if she is a painter, or just an oversized pad of drawing paper. For your stepmother, it might be a gift certificate to a movie theater. Whatever it is, she will feel more appreciated because you took the time to learn her likes and to make the gift personal.

For Father's Day, come back for ideas on how to make dad feel special. Until then, get to work. You have a lot of fun thinking to do. With this advice, it's likely that this Mother's Day will have both "moms" smiling!