Making Parent-Teacher Conferences Work for You

Imagine sitting at a school desk and meeting a new set of parents every thirty minutes for three hours straight. That is what your child's teacher faces each day for a week in the fall and the spring of the school year. And that comes after a full day of teaching. Parent-teacher conferences, you gotta love 'em. They tend to make both teachers and parents uncomfortable. But they don't have to. A wise principal once talked to me about being sure we build a school environment which is like a three-legged stool. If the child is one leg of the stool and both the parent and the teacher make the other two, there is a stable and secure situation. I like that idea.

Kids are smart. If they perceive that there is a disconnect between teacher and parent they will feel insecure. Worse yet, they may take advantage of that unstable situation and begin to pit one adult against another. Stop and think: what do teachers want to accomplish in a parent-teacher conference? And, what do you as a parent want? With just a little bit of forethought you can both achieve your goals.

I can tell you what teachers want because I taught for 35 years. They want to communicate clearly to you your child's strengths and areas of need. They want to give you good information in a very short amount of time and they want to engage your help in support of your child's education. What do you want? I would imagine you want the same thing-a clear picture of your child's progress and some helpful hints as to how to shore up any weak areas. Here are some tips to help your next parent conference go smoothly:

1) Before you attend the conference jot down several questions. Just as when you go to a doctor appointment, you'll probably forget to ask an important question if you don't have it in front of you.

2) Make a real effort to be exactly on time. Teachers are on a very tight schedule at conference time and one late parent can affect all the ones scheduled that day.

3) Be ready to interact in a friendly and positive manner even if you have some difficult things to say. Teachers don't take any pleasure in pointing out poor work or attitudes. In the same manner, try to begin the conference with positive comments but be as honest as possible for the benefit of your child.

4) Don't go overtime. If you find that you really need to have a longer discussion than the allotted 20 or 30 minutes, make another appointment at a time when the teacher isn't under pressure to meet the next set of parents. Teachers are glad to meet with you at another time.

5) Bring samples of work your child has done that relate to your concerns. If Sara is weak in math, bring one of her marked papers so you can talk specifically about ways to help at home. Teachers should also have pieces of work to share.

6) Remember that the teacher is responsible for the instruction of 20 or 30 children. Often it is literally impossible to give all the individual attention that your child needs. Tutors or extra help at home may be the only way your child can "catch up."

7) Remember also that each child is unique. It's not necessary to be at the top of
the class in all subjects. Accept average work if your child is giving his or her best.

8) Ask questions about the curriculum if you have them. You are entitled to see teacher's manuals, workbooks, texts, and evaluation tools.

9) Be willing to support the teacher in ways that work for you. Go into the classroom to volunteer, send in treats for parties, take a day off work to go on a field trip or whatever else you can do to show your support.

10) Be kind. The job of a teacher is extremely rewarding, but it is also stressful. If
you are a little nervous about your conference, you can be sure that the teacher is too. Remember that you both care about the welfare of the child.

The goal of a parent-teacher conference is to support your child's educational goals and to communicate clearly about strengths and weaknesses. Do your part to make that three-legged stool a sturdy and stable one and you'll make the conference work for you.