Making Plans for Your Own Care as You Age

Most people believe that once you become a parent, it is a lifetime commitment. But this isn't always true. What happens when you, as a parent, becomes physically or mentally disabled? What happens when you go from being the parent to being the child?

This is a reality that faces millions of people. In today's world, people are living longer. But that doesn't always mean they are self-reliant right up to the end. It's a fact of life that no matter how well we take care of ourselves, eventually our body or mind, or even both, will start to deteriorate. In time, most of us will have to rely on someone else to care for us. So how can we go about making this job easier for our children?

And when I say job, I do mean job. It is seldom easy to care for an aging parent. No matter how much your child loves you, there will be problems. For one thing, there's the matter of physical care. As a parent, you cared for your child from birth. As the child grew, the physical care, such as bathing, feeding, and changing diapers, ended as the child mastered control of his own body. It's the exact opposite with an aging parent. As we age or become disabled, we may very likely lose control of our bodily functions. And you're now talking about someone having to feed, bath, or change a diaper on a full-grown adult. Their weight alone may cause a huge problem.

The physical difficulties are only part of the problem. Most of our children are busy raising their own families. And in most families, both husband and wife work full time jobs coupled with the job of raising their children. They are doing all the school activities, doctor visits, and general parenting that you went through with them. Add to that the job of caring for an aging parent and it can be overwhelming.

However, as the parent, there are some things you can do to help your children with this problem before it becomes the problem.

First of all, while you are still mentally capable, make your wishes known. Draw up a living will which will actually speak for you in the event you become completely incapacitated and cannot communicate with your doctors or family. This simple act gives you the right to make final choices about your medical care. Not only that, it takes the stress and guilt off your family.

If you have more than one child, you might want to call a family meeting to talk to all your children about the option of giving one of them a power of attorney to decide legal matters for you. In most cases, it is best to only have one with this power. Therefore, while it is not mandatory, it can make life easier for the one you choose to have this power if you discuss it with all of your children. And don't worry about any of them being hurt. In fact, most of them will probably be relieved not to have this responsibility. Just choose the one you believe will be best suited for the task. Of course, you should make sure that one is willing to accept the job.

You should also try to get yourself set up to be able to pay for your own care. By providing for your own care, at least financially, you will be removing a great portion of the stress your child will have dealing with the effects of caring for you. The financial burden of caring for an aging parent can consume and destroy your child's life. It can cause problems in his or her marriage.

There are some options available you can check on to help handle the financial issues. Did you know that you can actually purchase insurance that will cover long-term medical care? Or you might consider selling your home to help pay your expenses. Be sure to discuss your financial arrangements with your child or children. They need to know your plans for the future. Don't depend on Medicare of Medicaid to pay for all your expenses. Start preparing, preferably in your middle forties or fifties.

Last, discuss your options in the event you cannot take care of yourself. If you would prefer to live in a nursing home or assisted care facility rather than with one of your children, be sure to make your wishes known. Or, you might prefer to remain in your own home and have a hired caregiver. Whatever you decide, discuss it with your family before it becomes an issue. For more information on caregiving, check out the ideas found at caregiver.org and thefamilycaregiver.org on the internet.

Credits: Caregiving 101 by Abigal L. Cuffey (Woman's Day magazine)