Making Quality Time Count: The Family Meal

Gone are the Leave it to Beaver days in which a family seemingly had nothing to do but spend time with one another. These days parents as well as children are busily engaged with work, education, clubs, sports associations and friends, not to mention entertainment. Rather than a family sitting down every evening to enjoy a meal and discuss the day's events, children and parents alike serve themselves buffet-style- if they are even home for dinner- and then head to different areas of the house. Some go to the computer or television, others to the work they brought home with them or a book they are reading. The result? Families are talking less and less while each member focuses on his or her own needs.

"We're just too busy," most people say. After all, can families really afford to spend thirty minutes just talking to each other when there is work to be done or a favorite television program to watch? Here is a fundamental truth in life: You have time for what you want to do. If you have a deadline to meet for work and you care about your job, you will stay up all night, neglecting all other responsibilities, even your own need for rest, in order to get it done. Likewise, if you want to connect on a deeper level as a family, you will make sure that happens as well.

You may even be thinking, "If we sat down to eat, we wouldn't know what to talk about for a half hour." This is a sad truth in today's American family. Families, who are supposed to know and communicate with each other intimately and personally, are reduced to mere acquaintances who share the same house. If you do not spend time interacting and building relationships with your children, as well as promoting this bond between siblings, you may indeed find that you do not know what to talk about when you sit down for dinner. This lack of connection between the members of your family is exactly the reason why you must start building these relationships now.

Of course, there are many other ways in which families can spend time together; eating at the same time and at the same table is just one. However, quality family time should not mean a "movie night" in which every one technically stays in the same room, but they do not communicate or even look at each other. Eating together necessitates that everyone sit down together so that they are able and even required to make eye contact with one another. This closeness fosters the opportunity for a family to start communicating and really connecting with one another.

Here are a few tips for getting the most out of your family meal:

1. Eliminate all other noises and distractions. Turn off the TV, the sound on the computer, the radio-whatever you can rely on for entertainment during dinner in the place of conversation. If you receive phone calls during the dinner hour, you should also turn off the ringer on your telephone and cell phone.

2. Make it fun. If you haven't been in the habit of eating as a family, your children may need some encouragement to get excited about it. Try having each member of your family select a meal for a different night of the week. Serving your kids' favorites will give them something to look forward to and a reason to be enthusiastic about dinner.

3. Start conversation. "What did you do today?" or "How was school?" are not the only questions parents can ask. Try, "What was one thing that happened to you today that made you happy?" or even, "What was one of the things that made you sad or angry today?"

4. Make it a priority. If a member of your family has to work or be at a team practice during dinner, that cannot be helped. However, being at a friend's house or wanting to go to the mall should not be acceptable reasons for skipping family dinner.

In a society that's increasingly frantic in its pace, family meals have become a thing of the past. Take back the quality time your family needs by instituting family meals in which you can connect, communicate and foster deep bonds within your family.