Making a Second Marriage Work

People in second or subsequent marriages have to deal with memories of a first marriage that for some reason came to an end. While the partner in question may have been an innocent party, learned behavior patterns and expectations are bound to overflow into the next marriage. While it is a good idea to seek counseling before marriage, it is never too late to work on a relationship.

Why Do People Remarry

Reasons for remarriage are many and everyone's circumstances are different. Losing a life partner is traumatic under any circumstances and it is wise to allow a period of grief and healing before seeking out a new relationship. Here are some of the more common reasons for the break-up or end of a first marriage:

• Death of a spouse by illness
• Death of a spouse by accident
• Divorce due to one partner having an affair
• Divorce by mutual consent in a loveless marriage
• Divorce due to abuse and domestic violence

Who is Affected by a Remarriage

This varies from person to person but generally includes these groups of people:

• Ex-marriage partners
• Children
• Extended family members
• Mutual friends from the previous marriage
• Acquaintances at social clubs, schools and churches

A remarriage can cause awkwardness in all of these relationships and it would be a good idea to work through each group and analyze what changes, if any need to be made. Potential problems lie in areas such as family routines and social activities that may need to changed or even cancelled. In this event, it may be good to look at starting a new routine or weekly outing to replace what has been lost.

What Else is Affected When People Remarry

Remarriage can affect physical assets such as houses, cars and property. If a spouse was given the family home in a divorce settlement, the new partner may be unhappy about living in it. There is a remarriage website aimed especially at people in second marriages and offers advice and links that can help sort out these types of problems.

Dialogue in Remarriage

While communication is important in any marital union, it is essential in second and subsequent marriages. It is vital for couples to get to know each other and this is done by spending time alone, talking and discussing their hopes, thoughts and dreams. While previous partners may come into the conversation, never compare a new spouse to an old one as this will pave the way for resentment and endless problems.

Remarriages can and do work but often cause unforeseen complications. Careful preparation and communication can help overcome issues and there are many resources to help couples in this situation. While there may be a stormy period as family and friends adjust to the new set up, life will settle and new routines will form.