Making it Through the Holidays Alone

As a single parent, I would always find myself unusually sad during the holidays. It was as though my emotional clock could tell that the times when I should be experiencing something that had become foreign to my experience was due. I knew the responsibility of being a young parent, the challenges of wanting to be the best person I could be but some how I became incapable of enjoying the daily experiences of life because they were always requiring a duty.

It took many years to understand what my elders would tell me when they admonished me to "enjoy the moments"; the quiet times of the sleeping children, the new experiences of development in the lives of my children and the personal development of myself as a young woman. So many of these things escaped me and kept me captive emotionally and holidays only seemed to accentuate the situation. I experienced the unrealistic expectations of my companion being there with the children. The support and love I so wanted from extended family and all the other thoughts that I would experience while the days continued into one another. I would find myself going to extra lengths to ensure that my children knew that I loved them, cooked extra food and even supported and loved on neighbors who would allow us to share food, fun and fellowship with them.

I must admit that it took a very long time for me to find some peace with the holidays. The children did get older and began to have their own celebrations and now we find ourselves laying the ground work for traditions and holidays for the grandchildren. The holiday continues and our families continue to grow and live. What has developed over the period of time is my ability to appreciate the beauty of this journey of life experience and value the times of reflection that the holidays would find me in. Instead of dreading what was not, I am enjoying what is, enjoying health and strength, honoring that family, friends and loved ones (whether near or far) were available to talk to either on line and/or on the telephone and we still had the companionship of each other. The focus being on what there was to be thankful for instead of focusing on what it was that seemed to be lacking in our lives during the holidays and for that matter on any given day. Serenity has become a vigilant maintenance in living life as it comes and smelling and valuing the flowers, gifts, and blessings along the way because they come every day.

I am sure that this is a continued work in progress and will develop as we develop emotionally, spiritually and physically... life changes, people change, thoughts and actions change. It is important for us to understand that no matter where we find ourselves during the holiday if we have a portion of our health, a friend to call on and the presence of mind to love - enjoy the day and continue being good to yourself and others.

For this holiday, I am in a new city away from my adult children and my ever growing extended family and we are feeding those who are less fortunate than we are. Humbly reviewing the challenges of last year, the struggles we did not think we would overcome, We have overcome health challenges, financial uncertainties, and today we are honoring that we are in a very different place emotionally and spiritually than we were last year this time. This is an excellent year to begin a new tradition to value each day as one of thanksgiving, and each experience as an opportunity to give of ourselves and I am sure we will find that we are limited and/or controlled by the created emotional attachments to the holidays that we can easily find ourselves in.