Making Your Wedding Vows Meaningful and Relevant to the Times

Despite marriages unfortunately and gradually losing their relevance as a reverent event (unless you think an Elvis impersonator officiating at a spur-of-the-moment Vegas ceremony is pure heaven), it's not hard to see why many people choose to live together as unmarried couples when divorce rates stay consistently at high levels. Sometimes it's even a puzzle to a married couple why a marriage eventually breaks down to the point where their wedding vows uttered during the wedding ceremony are remembered as being taken under duress than through the heart. Why that happens is obviously because marriages have become so formal, the meaning behind a wedding vow loses all sense of truth, much like what's happened to our Pledge of Allegiance (to the Flag) or the patriotic song "This Land is Your Land."

When looking at the formalities of wedding vows, the most overused and dangerous is this one:

"I, (name) take you (spouse's name) to be my wife (or husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward, until death do us part."

Of course, many of those vows are sometimes broken in modern society--with the particular rarity in being married until death do they part. While the reverence of the ceremony will bring that statement on by default, reality shouldn't be shut out.

Obviously, the one aspect to a wedding vow that should be kept intact is the religious vows and references to vows being witnessed by their personal God for those who choose to go through a non-secular process. But let's keep in mind that even in more religious ceremonies of marriage, allowances are being made for a couple to write their own vows. And it's not out of the question to see it allowable to make a set of vows that draws laughs as much as the emotion.

This isn't to say that the bitter truths of what's logical and what isn't in a vow shouldn't be expressed. Unless your particular religion has forced canonical vows that ultimately make the meaning mechanical, writing your own vows very carefully would be in any couple's best interests. Sitting down together (yes, together rather than separately) and writing them weeks before the wedding is also preferable so you'll know the things you know you can trust each other with and which ones might not be all that trustworthy.

I know that might make this procedure sound like a prenuptial situation where understandings of things are made before taking the marriage plunge. The difference, though, is that prenuptials are usually about money rather than promises of supporting and loving one another. Yet when it comes to those sore point promises, how do you go about getting them down on paper in a way that doesn't cause a split before you can RSVP your friends and relatives of the impending wedding?
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Generally, when writing out your vows, consider that putting a little of everything into them is the best way when structuring. After all, when you and your significant other recite those vows, realize it's a performance as well as a litany of soul-baring promises. Allowing your relatives and friends to laugh as well as cry is what will make this process all the more fulfilling. Nevertheless, keeping things real can also bring completely different emotions; perhaps a more complex emotion of laughing concurrently with emotion.

Consider these two examples (one short; the other longer) as a basis of an idea in how to approach all those elements to make your wedding vows touch on all bases and feelings within a sense of the real world...

The shorter example:

"I (your significant other), take you with all my love under our personal God to travel the sometimes uncertain road of marriage. While I'll always do my best to be with you through trials both arduous and trivial, I understand when a flame goes out for a time and you'd rather be by yourself, not want to take out the garbage or even want to consummate our bond. In these times, I'll do my best to drop all other concerns for us to work together diligently in relighting that flame so that we can restate this very vow 25, 50 or 75 years later and time immemorial.

Through this vow, I pledge my love in the idea that marriages take work as all of our long-married relatives here today will attest."

Or, the longer example:

"I (your significant other), love you with every ounce of my soul in this moment that I pray our personal loving God will help sustain forever. I pledge this through richer or poorer, even though with economic uncertainty in years unforeseen, it could very well be through poorer. Through this turmoil, I pledge that I'll do everything I can to be there for you and to do my best to make sure we still have a good life together. And should the very worst come, I pledge to be there with you, even if I understand that a counter-commitment to stick with someone during times of economic duress is a challenge in a marriage.

I also pledge to have profound understanding when things change between us in times ahead, meaning differences of political opinion or even spiritual beliefs. In all my heart I'll remember that other households deal with a split in political opinions, yet still manage to work on profound levels. Should this happen, I pledge to give my love in making sure we still have a loving relationship and are able to converse about our differing political ideologies without the throwing of vases or other objects with jagged edges toward one another.

This pledge shall also be done should we have sudden differing opinions in spiritual beliefs. I will understand that having such jarring and developing ideology is usually a strong sign that a marriage is potentially over, despite my pledge here today of not believing it until all options are exhausted. With all my love, I will set out to believe that a bond can still exist with profound changes happening as a form of a potential pall. My fervent hope is that you will make sure that bond doesn't become undone.

Along with these potential roadblocks, I also pledge my sense of understanding toward the wandering eye when seeing someone else attractive. While I'll put into perspective that looking attractive to one another is rare after so many years of marriage, let us pledge that we won't trade harsh words or judgments when making physically appealing comments about someone else or while in the same room with the opposite gender. Yet I pledge my heart that I know our bond is much stronger than an affair with someone else and that we'll both do our best to bring that compelling thought to mind to override an undoing of our marriage.

With this ring, I swear to these truths and pledges as a new marriage based on honesty and one of continual work to make sure all previous years of that work were not in vain..."