Mako Shark Attacks: An Idiot's Brush With Death

It's hilarious in a macabre way after 30 years, but for sheer adrenaline-pumping terror and hectic action, I've never experienced a more intense few minutes than during a mako shark attack. The shark attack happened when I was fishing for bluefish with friends, floating in a big speedboat a few miles off Virgina Beach's Sandbridge beach area on a warm 1970s weekend. The friends all have children and respectable careers now, so I'll just call them Boat Guy, Muscles, Marine Biologist, Ice Princess, Shrieker, and Idiot. Good old Idiot, without whom we would not have had the exciting day.

The problem began before lunch when Idiot cleaned a fish and dumped the guts overboard before we could stop him. A few hours and a few beers later, Idiot decided to cool off with a dip in the ocean. He dove off the bow and surfaced a few yards away, screaming and thrashing. He started swimming towards the ladder as fast as he could, trailing ribbons of blood into the water and yelling "Get it off me! Get it off me!". Everyone else got excited too, in their own special way.

Marine Biologist was pointing and yelling, "It's not bluefish, it's a mako shark! See the blue and white counter-shading?" I grabbed the sunbathing towels, reviewed my just-completed first aid classes and hoped Idiot's femoral artery was intact. Ice Princess was already on the radio to the Coast Guard saying, "We have a medical emergency off Sandbridge, please stand by."

Boat Guy and Muscles hauled Idiot on board, with the shark still clamped to the middle of his thigh. For obvious reasons, we didn't take time to measure it, but the shark's body was about as big as the leg it was chewing on. As soon as Idiot was on board, Boat Guy started the motors and headed slowly for shore, keeping one eye on the chaos in the cockpit.

There was a brief flurry of thrashing bodies and spattering blood until Marine Biologist sat on Idiot's leg and the attached shark to hold both of them still. Muscles pounded the shark over the head with a bottle of something until it quit moving. Ice Princess and Marine Biologist carefully pried the stunned shark's mouth off Idiot's thigh, then Muscles tossed the shark overboard so it couldn't bite anyone else.

Idiot was hysterically uncooperative so Muscles and Marine Biologist sat on him. I didn't waste time evaluating the injuries, I just put folded towels on his ripped and bleeding thigh and tied t-shirt strips over them for pressure bandages. As soon as I was finished, Boat Guy yelled "hold on" and shoved the throttles full forward. Then it was all over but the waiting and the bone-jarring dash to shore. Boat Guy had the engines redlined, cutting through the swells, soaking everyone with spray.

We huddled in the cockpit, trying not to get too bruised by the bouncing. Marine Biologist threw up, said "sorry, guys", and fainted. Idiot was finally lying quietly on the deck, staring blankly at the bloody makeshift bandages. I was wedged between Idiot and the side, monitoring Idiot's pulse and respiration, talking to him to keep him calm. Ice Princess kept talking to the Coast Guard, relaying medical and location information. Muscles tended to Marine Biologist as she alternately fainted, vomited, and apologized.

The Coast Guard told us to run to the beach at a Navy training site at Sandbridge where an ambulance would be waiting. Witnesses say I got out of the boat, took one step and swooned gracefully, landing face first in the sand. I woke up as the ambulance was leaving.

Idiot spent several hours in surgery, having multiple shallow lacerations on his thigh repaired. The ER doctors refused to believe it was a mako shark attack, and blamed it on a school of bluefish and too much beer.

But what about Shrieker? Well, Shrieker sat clutching the railing, staring at all the blood and shrieking bloodcurdling shrieks the whole time. She didn't stop shrieking from the time Idiot came to the surface until we reached the beach.

Do's and Dont's for Shark Attacks:

Why did the small shark attack a much larger human? Who knows. Maybe Idiot landed on it and it was self-defense on the part of the shark. Makos don't often attack humans because they are normally deep water (pelagic) sharks that eat fish.

Don't dump blood into water you plan to swim in ... sharks can smell blood for miles. We were in medium-deep water and Idiot sent out dinner invitations when he dumped the entrails overboard. In our case, attracting bluefish could have been as bad as the shark, because bluefish attack in hordes like piranhas.

Do call for help immediately. And follow the instructions you are given.

Do head for shore immediately as fast as your boat can safely travel, updating emergency services with your position.

Do have a first aid kit on board and know how to use it. If it's not a shark, some idiot will slice his hand open while gutting fish.

If you don't have anything else, use t-shirts and towels and pressure to stop bleeding.

Watch out for the teeth, even if the shark is dead - they are knife-sharp.