Male Chimps Prefer Older Females, as Does Ashton Kutcher

Although many guys I know call Justin Timberlake a chump, very few would refer to him as a chimp; in fact I may be the first person to make this connection. Timberlake has been one of the poster boys for a fairly new social phenomenon - younger males dating older females - which a new anthropology study shows to be commonplace in the chimpanzee world.

Throughout history males of the human species have been mating with younger females. The reason that this inclination has been socially accepted is because it makes biological sense, to a certain extent. As the female members of our species age, they become less fertile and experience menopause (the latter making them extremely hard to date or even be around). Homosapian nature also prefers long-term bonding mainly because choosing a younger mate ensures that fertility will last for a longer span of the relationship. So in evolutionary terms, this means that males prefer younger females because they offer a greater potential for creating offspring.

However, the mating patterns of our closest living genetic relative, the chimpanzee, are quite different from our own. Male chimpanzees actually prefer older females. Researchers believe that this sexual predisposition occurs because as chimp females age, they become more fertile and don't experience menopause. This biological advantage coupled with sexual experience and child-rearing familiarity, causes male chimps to go bananas for the older females. Researches found that while older chimp females were required to do very little for the attention of their male counterparts, the younger chimpettes were forced to practically beg for the chimp cock.

The anthropology researchers from Boston University concluded that when it comes to sexual relations, chimpanzees and homosapiens have opposite interests in terms of age preference when choosing a mate. Their conclusion baffled me. It seems to me that the researchers spent far too much time examining the mating patterns of chimpanzees and not enough time with the follow-up comparison of human beings - obviously through examining celebrity gossip tabloids, hanging out at dingy bars and spending countless, grueling hours in front of the television. Luckily, I'm an unaccredited expert in the area, since it's pretty much all I do. Their study spelled out something completely different to me. It confirmed theory that I've been harboring for quite some time - we are regressing, we are turning into chimps!

The truth of the research is, with respect to mating, we look less and less like the human beings of 100 years ago and more like chimpanzees. Higher divorce rates, lower marriage rates, increased common law couplings and Desperate House Wives inform us that long-term mating partnerships are becoming a thing of the homosapien past.

The average age of first time brides in 2001 was 28 years old. This doesn't tell me that people are monogamous, this tells me that when we are the most sexually fertile and active (between the ages of puberty and 30) we are single. This combined with the fact that virtually no one waits until marriage to have sex tells me that the word monogamous can no longer be used in the description of human mating customs. We are moving ever closer to the promiscuous disposition of the chimpanzee.

Some people think that the life of celebrities has become the new fiction - removed farther from the average person's daily life than anything that sits on the bestseller shelves. I, however, tend to think of celebrities as the truest human beings. Their narcissistic nature and unruly power due to both money and status allow them to get away with the things that a lot of us would like to do if we weren't so bonded by social norms. I think that age gap relationships are one such instance of celebrities living out a social taboo rather than inventing it. Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake, Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins, Madonna & Guy Ritchie, Sheryl Crow & Lance Armstrong, and Jerry Hall courting a slew of 20 somethings in the new reality show "Kept". We also see many examples of older women with younger men in scripted movies and television. Regardless of the portrayal of this age preference dynamic in the media, according to the AARP, 34% of women in the 40-69 age group date younger men. Age gap relationship support websites such as www.agelesslove.com and books such as Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance and Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men prove thatthere is a growing interest in the unorthodox pairing in our society.

First of all, people are less concerned about the fertility of their mate. Numerous people simply choose not to have children - they are too focused on their career, don't believe that children are economically feasible or simply don't want to bring a human being into a world that may soon be devastated by the chaos of climate change.

Fertility is still not a problem for those that do wish to raise children. Adoption is not only socially acceptable it's trendy thanks to Angelina Jolie and Madonna. Also, modern science helps the infertile achieve conception either through a fertility clinic or with the aid of a surrogate mother - not to mention the science-fiction promise of our very own clones! And the economic stability and social maturity of older women often make them better candidates for motherhood.

Another reason that younger men are being snatched up by cougars in record numbers is that thanks to plastic surgery, make-up, botox and yoga, older women are looking better. The proof that men are finding older women to be increasingly attractive is in the porn. As is the case for many modern journalists, the majority of my 'research' comes from Google searches - hence the lack of proper referencing. Typing "older women younger men" into a search engine brings up countless pornographic websites dedicated to the coupling of cougar and young buck. In a genre that has been dominated by barely legal blondes, the move to mature housewives documents a development of interest.

Older women also have a lot to offer a man that a younger woman does not. Older females are presumed to have greater sexual experience and self-awareness which translates into better and more frequent sexual activity. Older women are usually independent and financially stable. Through feminism and equal rights movements, women no longer need a man to provide for them, which significantly opens up their dating possibilities.

Finally, women have a longer expected life span than men, so any woman that wants to keep a mate through old age should be looking for a man that's at least 8 years younger. I realize that finding someone that will die around the same time that you will probably isn't a big appeal for most men, but knowing that just because she's old, doesn't mean that she's going to die before you is bizarrely comforting.

It seems like the only thing that is stopping the coupling of older women and younger men is the negative stereotype that comes along with it. Thankfully, celebrities have taken it upon themselves to usher in taboo so that normal people don't seem weird when they act in a way that is not yet custom.

In conclusion, it may be possible that we are progressing towards a more liberal society, in which individuals have the freedom to choose the dynamics of their lifestyle and familial arrangement. On the other hand, our mating patterns could be further evidence of our fall back into the animal kingdom. One thing is certain, the conclusions of the anthropology research were misguided - we, in fact, look quite similar to chimpanzees. And although the institutions of fidelity and marriage have been fundamental for the progression of human civilization and social establishment, now that we've made it this far, we just want to fuck like chimps.