Male and Female Bonding Rituals

It's far from rocket science: Most men and women have a desire to bond socially with members of their own gender.

Early in our development as human beings, we reach an understanding that males and females are quite different from one another in how we relate on a social level. We gravitate toward the "alikeness" that we share because it creates a comfort zone of sorts - a haven in which we can enjoy the same language, rituals and understandings and avoid having our behavior questioned or ridiculed. Men often engage in testosterone-driven activities that women sometimes view as childish or bizarre, and men - well men find just about everything that women do with other women to be peculiar!

What would happen though if we flipped the script, and men began not only to understand and appreciate female-bonding rituals, but also to engage in them - with other men? And what if women engaged in "macho" behaviors on a regular basis - with other women?

I thought I might digress for a moment from thinking about important issues such as world poverty and global warming and spend some time imagining what society would be like if men behaved like women and vice versa. I shall do this within the context of a few gender-specific scenarios, which I will "flip," just for the sheer entertainment value:

Scenario #1: Tom and Bob, during their fifth telephone conversation today.

Tom: "Hey Bob, remember those boxers we saw at Victor's Secrets yesterday?"

Bob: "How could I forget? I loved them but I need to lose a few pounds first."

Tom: "No way! You're gorgeous! I wish I had quads like yours. The yellow boxers with the stripes would look awesome with your new tan."

Bob: "Maybe so, but you're the one with the gorgeous quads."

Tom: "Well, let's just say we both have gorgeous quads. I think we should treat ourselves to those boxers. I'm going to get the silky, champagne-colored ones. They'll feel great underneath my dress slacks."

Scenario #2: Jane stops by Mary's house to watch the big game.

Mary: "Hey buddy! Good to see ya - come on in. Want a cold one?"

Jane: "Sure - thanks. Is the game on yet?"

Mary: "Not yet, but if you could've seen the body on that model that was just on television. I definitely would hit that if I could."

Jane: "Did he have a six pack, or a two liter?"

Mary: "A six pack - no, make that a twelve pack. Speaking of twelve packs, did you hear the joke about the naked mailman who delivered a pack of brews to the blind widow?"

Jane: (Belching loudly). "No, but I'll bet it was a good look!"

Scenario #3: Tom and Bob at a nightclub

Tom: "I'm bored. Let's dance!"

Bob: "Okay, but not to this song. Plus I have to tinkle. Come go with me to the Little Boys' Room."

Tom: "Sure. I need to go anyway to touch up my toupee."

Bob: "Your toupee always looks great."

Tom: "Not as good as yours."

Bob: "Please. You know you've got it going on!"

Scenario #4: Mary and Jane at a nightclub

Mary: "Check out that hottie over there!"

Jane: "Oh yeah - I'd definitely hit that!"

Mary: "You smell something?"

Jane: "Ha ha! Must've been that burrito I had for dinner!"

Mary: (Subsequently emitting hydrogen sulfide into the air) "Ha! That burrito sure was good, wasn't it?"