Man Bags: A Blight on Hu"man"ity?
I was struggling with the kid and all her baby crap and told him he would have to go and retrieve my purse with all the money and our return tickets in it. The look of pain and horror was priceless. He has yet to forgive me, almost forty years later. Why? Simple. Men were not created to carry a purse. That's a woman's job.
Listen up you man bag toting dopes. Throughout the ages, women have been your mules The only things a man was seen carrying on all those cute little scribblings in caves were weapons and their egos. They never even carried dinner back, they dragged it. The women carried the food, the furniture, the pots and pans, all incidental possessions, and the kids. So why on earth would you in this day and age want to carry your own junk in a purse? The whole man bag thing is a blight on humanity. You have set the human race back thousands of years.
And another thing. Have you men seen what you look like carrying a purse? You've all been complaining about what a literal pain in the ass carrying your wallet has been. You know, "Honey, can you get me a beer? I've been carrying this wallet around all day and I'm pooped." Well, bright brains, what do you do about it? You stuff your two pound wallet in a twenty pound $200 sissy sack and haul that around all day, swapping a little boo-boo on your fanny for a gait like Quasimodo. Yup. And you guys rule the world.
What the heck do you put in those things anyway? We women have a standard conglomeration of items carried in a purse including but not limited to comb, lipstick, wallet, checkbook, hand cream, toothpaste, emery board, corkscrew, Tampax (well, for some, heh, heh) magnifying glass, hand wipes, photos, 4-5 pens, keys, perfume, mirror, flashlight, scissors, spare skivvies, phone, varying degrees of important papers and mail, and a couple of mementos. I've never actually looked in a man bag, but I can't think of what among the above that you might need. A flashlight? Why? Your woman's already got one, ya dope.
I wonder, do you guys have as much trouble finding things in your purses as we do? Do you coordinate your purse and shoes? Do you complain about them not being big enough, or about the magnetic clasp not working? I dunno, a man carrying a purse just goes against all that is decent and holy.
You see, Mr. Man Bag, all you need to survive in this world is a nice big fat wallet. You don't have to saddle yourselves with the MacGyver kits we women have grown to know and love. Get yourself a nice big fat wallet, and MAN UP! It's so much more attractive than your man bag. Besides, you look silly.
Contrary to popular opinion, a bulge on the backside of a man is much more fascinating to women than the one on the front.
Published by Nancy V Canfield
Retired retro who writes during television commercials. If you're the type of person who doesn't like to take life too seriously, then we'll get along just fine. My family says I'm overly opinionated and bos... View profile
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40 Comments
Post a CommentHA! That last sentence is perfect.
My 4-year-old nephew was carrying around a tote bag like a purse and suddenly exclaimed, "I feel just like a real mailman!" Haha So, is a mail bag considered a purse? I don't think the mailmen would appreciate being called girly. :)
Two hundred bucks? What do those people think used grocery bags are for?
Dang and I had my eye on a real cool leopard skin one to match my new tight pants
THe man purse is here to stay. Though most men I know would never use one
I refuse to call a purse a man-bag. A purse is a purse. Furthermore, no matter how much they fuss about a woman's purse, it's the first place they turn when they need something while out of the home. Love that last line.
I carry spare skivvies too Nancy, good one. You are right on with this one. Thanks for the funny.
I totally refuse to carry a handbag...unless it's bright pink..:) Great article!
I remember an Andy Rooney spot where he wondered why women needed such big handbags. I wrote him a letter saying that we need one to hold our husband's wallet, keys, and whatever else he might pick up along the way!
Nice write up. It is so true. There is a Billy Wilder film (director and writer) called "The Fortune Cookie" where Jack Lemmon's girlfriend dumps everything she has in her purse onto his bed. And he then comments looking at the pile of stuff. "You woman and your purses, it is like the claw game. I wonder if men's bag would be as full as a woman's. Bye