Man Completely Unaware that He's a Total Fatass

It has come to the attention of the U.S. Center for Disease Control and Prevention that around 3:00 pm on Thursday, July 21, an unidentified man from Jackson, Mississippi walked into the Wendy's on the corner of East Woodrow Wilson Avenue and North State Street, and, after ordering enough food to feed a horse, had the nerve to ask for a diet coke. "According to the cashier that was on staff that afternoon, the bastard even had the audacity to ask for her number," said the agency's director, Abraham R. Batushansky, MD, MPH. "Either the roly-poly-likely-Polack shmuck is oblivious to the fact that he's fatter than the Fat Jew, or he simply has no f**king shame."

"Oy, a broch!"

Moral of the story: Look in the mirror, you fat bastards! All of you! Yeah! I said it!

Shout-out of the story: Give it up to the FAT JEW!

Note of the story: I didn't mean to make it about Jews, but it kind of just came to me. Lesson #1 of Comedy: the best ideas usually come spontaneously. So do the worst ideas --